By Rachel Smith
Historians will have you believe that the early settlers came to Sacramento to find gold, build a better life, and sleep with John Sutter-err-in his Fort. I personally think that people just so happened to end up here because they got wasted on the train in Utah and woke up when it stopped at its final destination: SacTown!
Today, Sacramento is home to much more than trains, Sutter’s Fort, and a Pony Express statue. We have some of the best outdoor activities and nightlife a town could offer. That’s actually not true, but since this is “Girls on the Grid” I’ve been told I can only write positively about Sacramento so let’s just pretend it’s true.
Some of the greatest love stories have been written in this wonderful town. Look at Lois Hart and Dave Walker. Governor Schwarzenegger and his maid. Eric Dietz and Megan Bria Bates. The guy from Papa Roach and Liv Tyler’s fat younger sister. Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler. I mean, clearly there is something about this town that brings people together.
While there are countless places here to find a guy, I’ve done some research for all you single ladies out there and narrowed it down to the top 5 spots that will ensure you a long-lasting, successful relationship.*
1. Safeway on S Street: Don’t let that rape a few years back/the Freon gas leak back in February keep you from this unexpected man-meeting locale. The grocery store is a fantastic place to meet a guy because it’s non-threatening, well-lit, and there’s an 85% chance he’s sober. I know you usually pop into Safeway in your yoga gear and Jesse Spano inspired head band, but the next time you go, try dazzling it up a little bit and don’t be afraid to use a little extra mascara and heavy bronzer in order to catch his attention. Remember, hot guys need Cheerios too. So you’re bound to run into one eventually and I’m guessing you probably would prefer not to have ass sweat when you do.
2. SMEBB (shameless plug): These events are a great way to meet men because the whole night is built around the most eligible people in this town to date. You are practically being spoon-fed the hottest people this city has to offer. Sure, everyone gets a little tipsy (which is not an ideal way to meet someone) but the difference between drunk men at this event and drunk men at let’s say, Chargins, is the guys here are just nervous and trying to impress you with their capacity to hold their drink (a fine quality, I must say). The guys at dive bars on a random Friday who are pounding drinks have no job and hate life. See the difference? Neither do I, but if you don’t go then everyone will say you hate charities.
3. A Saturday BBQ in Folsom: Men who party in Folsom are usually educated and don’t wear jean shorts. That’s a huge come-up from say, men you meet at BBQs in West Sacramento. So next time your boring, married friend invites you over for a family-style pool party off E. Bidwell – you should go! Someone there is likely to bring their nephew from out of town and before you know it, you two will be playing marco polo and clinking your Mike’s Hard Lemonade bottles.
4. McKinley Park: You like to run, he likes to run – it’s a match made in heaven. How adorable. While the rest of the world is drinking bottomless mimosas at Capitol Garage, you two are working on your fitness because that’s what matters to you most! The key to a lasting relationship is friendship, and friendship comes from common interests. That’s not to say that you have to do everything together. I mean, if you get matching jogging suits, you can go ahead and take me off your wedding guest list right now. Anyhow, next time you’re running around that track, give the cute guy in spandex a wink and see what happens. YOLO!
5. Yogurt-a-go-go: Is there anything hotter than a guy topping his soft serve with oreo crumbles? No, there’s not.
*I am perpetually single, so this is 100% false.