In the Sac with Patrick and Jamie: Meeting the Parents

0 Posted by - March 1, 2013 - In the Sac w/ Jamie and Patrick

By Patrick Harbison and Jamie Romas

Dear Jamie and Patrick,

This weekend is a big one for me and my significant other – we’re both meeting the other’s parents. Any tips or advice to help ensure it’s not a total disaster?

Thanks,

Beth M. from Tahoe Park

So you’re meeting the parents? Congrats! Things are getting serious. In no time you’ll be wearing matching outfits, eating at chain restaurants, and debating who’ s the best morning show weather man.*

Look, by now we all have the basic meet-the-folks tenants down: Wear something that makes you look like a Mormon, refrain from farting excessively, don’t bring up your annual Black Panther donation, etc, etc.

But what about the not-so-obvious tips for meeting the folks? I’d argue the following points are just as important to making a successful first impression on good old mom and pop:

Don’t Get (Too) Drunk

A little wine with dinner never hurt anybody. In fact, a couple glasses might help calm some nerves and aid conversation. But a few too many Tracey Gold pours and suddenly you’re sporting the dinner napkin on your head and making Yasser Arafat impressions. That’s not a good look on anybody.

Bring a Good Bottle

Speaking of booze, bring a bottle of something classy for the folks. This is not the time to highlight your obsession with Bogle merlot or Potter’s vodka. Splurge on a bottle of nice scotch or a decent California cab and save the cheap shit for next weekend when you’re cheating on your significant other.

Avoid Swept Bangs

Now is not the time for gender ambiguity. Pin up or gel down the Bieber bangs, and save the Boy George look for the patrons at Naked Lounge. No parent wants to search for your Adam’s apple while discussing a surcharge on foreign oil.

Remember – Father Knows Best

Dad strength is no joke. I once saw my dad single-handedly take down three rowdy Eagles fans at a Niner game with a swift chop to the neck. Then he took his shirt off, poured their beers on his chest, and sang the theme song to the A-Team. He was 57. Point being, dads want to feel like they can still kick your ass. Leave the one-upmanship at home, and pretend to be impressed when he regales you with stories involving his one-handed tennis backhand.

*It’s obviously this guy.

EDITOR’s NOTE: “In the Sac with Patrick and Jamie” is GOTG’s dating/relationship advice column. Patrick Harbison is the blogger behind PWeekly and Sacramento’s 2010 Most Eligible Bachelor. Jamie Romas has been a GOTGer since day 1. Both hold PhD’s in Psychology and Counseling…ok, that last part is false, but they have had their fair share of dating and relationship mishaps, and are ready to help Sacramento find love! Submit your questions (anonymously) to girlsonthegrid AT gmail DOT com.


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