As my dating life has progressed over the last few years, I’ve picked up on some very interesting emotional and sexual trends from men.

Writers note: Please understand that by “dating” I don’t mean dinner, roses and a trip to Tahoe. Come on, children. This isn’t Roseville. I am not Mother Goose and this isn’t a fairy tale, nor is this article an accurate depiction of the male species in any way. This is midtown…and I’m currently on my fourth vodka.

For us single and fabulous (?) women out there who are less interested in marriage and more focused on squeezing every last morsel of fun out of life while our breasts are still above our knees, it’s evident that our priorities are ions apart from the chick looking to start a family. We want to party. With everyone. Though lately, it seems as if there’s an epidemic among us where gender roles are shifting at a rapid pace. (And by epidemic it’s really like … four men, but for the sake of this article let’s say it’s 1,000).

I don’t know if it’s age (impending death) that makes men want to be more attentive and romantic, or maybe I’ve only dated raging a-holes and these new age types of men have always existed, but either way I’ve been experiencing some men saying and doing things that I thought only existed in Nicholas Sparks novels: cuddling, sending grammatically correct texts before 3:00pm, talking about feelings, etc. Say what?

Society is quick to put these character traits all on us females, but this issue is far from black and white. Yes, most women tend to be the more emotionally attached sex who crave intimacy and respect –as well they should.  Which is why many men who are just looking for a good time fear the stage five clingers (who exist in spades). But what about the women who don’t get emotionally attached and don’t want to be romantic? (Don’t answer that.) Specifically, what’s a happily wild spinster to do when she comes across a man who is … normal?

Below are just a few things I’ve observed recently that have knocked down my stereotypes of the “alpha male” and built up my metaphorical vaginal wall toward anyone with, well, a soul. (Metaphorical, because I don’t believe in celibacy). Call me heartless, but I just can’t get into these things:

Cuddling

People always assume that girls are the ones who want to cuddle after sex. That’s really interesting considering the last three guys I’ve dated clung to me in their sleep like I was the last beer floating down the river on the Fourth of July. I hate spooning and for that matter, I hate people in my bed. Some may call my disgust of spooning a cover-up for intimacy issues – and it is – but I also suffer from severe claustrophobia. I don’t want anyone breathing on me, looking at me or touching me when I sleep.

Spooning, holding hands, et al. is so much more intimate for me than sex, so why the hell would I want to wrap my arms around you in a slumber’s embrace if I don’t even know your last name? Shall we roast marshmallows and regale each other with childhood fantasies in the backwoods of Auburn as well? No, thanks. Unless I’m in a coma, I will leave your house immediately following the romp sesh, and I expect you to show me the same respect.

Texting

I’m a huge fan of texting, especially on the late night. I always enjoy receiving the “Wheb area upo comink over?” or “wHeere u at?” texts, but the grammatically correct “Good Morning J!” and “How’s work going this afternoon?” is not hot for me.

The only time I want to talk to a man in the morning is during a mimosa brunch so if we’re not clinking champagne glasses at Fox & Goose, then there is really nothing to say. What’s also not hot for me in this category is the double text. If I didn’t respond to your “What’s up?” it’s because I don’t want to see your face. And I recognize that when I don’t get a text back from someone, they don’t want to see my face either. Let’s all take a moment to accept and embrace that statement. (Now stop crying and put your big girl panties on).

It’s not cell service issues, you’re literally being ignored. Don’t send a follow up text saying, “You there?” – because yes, I am … but I don’t want you to know it. It’s 2013 folks, everyone has their phone permanently attached to their hip. I’m not in a meeting, I’m not in the shower and I’m not driving through a tunnel – I’m on Tinder talking to the 43-year-old co-captain of the Sac City debate team.

Feelings

I don’t take life seriously, which means I definitely don’t take men or relationships seriously. And since I don’t take them seriously, I never waste my time getting into “important” conversations with them. Mostly because we’re just sleeping together, and there are no feelings to talk about. I don’t care what your favorite color is and I certainly don’t need a history lesson on your family vacations to Dillon Beach in the 80s.

Men will say that the women are the ones who always want to talk things through, but in reality there are tons of guys who initiate “the talk.” Where is this going? Why are we just getting drunk and hooking up? I need something more. Well I need something more too – a bigger glass of vodka. With a lime.

Drinking

According to Cosmopolitan, and let’s face it, the empty abyss that is Midtown on Wednesday CrossFit nights, we’re seeing a surge of men jumping on the diet train lately. Gone are the unshaven, burly mountain men would party all day and ride bikes with you to Carolina’s at 4AM – on a Tuesday. I guess they all died from diabetes.

Regardless, now guys are all about “calling it an early night” and “hitting the gym after dinner.” Hello? Pub crawls are exercise you fool. Certainly living a healthy lifestyle is important if you plan on living past [my goal age] 30, but why not just switch from vodka cranberry to just vodka? The only time I want to see you at Fremont Park is if we’re passing through to get to R15. Holler.

Sex

Guys hate using condoms and if we’re being honest ladies, so do we. But it has to be done. The dating pool of twenty-somethings in Sacramento is compiled of raging alcoholics and extremely infected human beings. But when last call hits, nobody is in the mood to stop off at the liquor store for a magnum (wishful thinking here). Not only that, but condom application is a huge mood killer. But you know what’s an even bigger mood killer? AIDS. What a quandary we find ourselves in, huh? You’re both wasted and horny, you have HPV, he probably has crabs, and you used the last of the saran wrap for last night’s leftover casserole. Alas, nobody is climaxing, you’re sobering up and coming to the realization that you both look like ass in the light. Thus, you both retreat to your respective homes and pass out on your couch with your hand buried in a bowl of nacho cheese. Or maybe that was just me last night. I don’t know what any of this has to do with men acting like a woman, but I just really wanted to use “HPV” and “casserole” in the same sentence.

The author with Betty White (left) and Sophia (right) – AKA the runaway.

By Laura Braden

A few weeks ago, the unthinkable happened – my dog (literally) ran away.

I had just adopted her two weeks prior, and the Sacramento City Shelter knew nothing about her past, just that she had been turned in “over the counter” as a stray. In fairness to her, she was still adjusting to her new home,  family and name … but in my defense, what dog would run away from a warm couch and (real) bacon treats??

I allowed myself 30 seconds of panic before springing into action. The good news is that she was back safely at home within 48 hours … and here’s how we did it.

1. Don’t. Panic.

For real, don’t panic. This is incredibly hard to do because my pups are my IRL children. Combine that with the fact that my home is next to BUSY Freeport Blvd, and you’ll be craving a box of wine to cope with your jittery nerves.

But panicking is completely unproductive – it clouds your mind and makes you worry about worst case scenarios before they’ve actually happened. It may be morbid, but I kept telling myself, “you don’t know that she’s not alive and hanging out in a neighbor’s backyard. Don’t get upset until you know there’s something to be upset about.”

2. Microchip, Microchip, Microchip.

If you’re pet isn’t microchipped, go get that done – today – and then make sure you register online at www.microchipregistry.foundanimals.org. They have a free service where you can send out an alert to local vets, shelters and pet stores letting folks know that your pet has gone missing with a description/picture. Conversely, should someone find your pet and go to any of these places, your profile (and contact information) will pop up in their database when they get scanned.

3. Alert Locals.

Bravo to the city of Sacramento – their 311 service was ultimately how we found her so quickly. In reality, she had wandered six blocks away only to encounter a very lovely, retired gentleman who took her in and contacted 311. I had already filled out a missing pet alert online so they were able to determine a match once the good samaritan called them. Someone at the city (guardian angel #2) called my cell to let me know that he had Sophia. I called him right after and arranged pick-up for that evening.

I also posted a notice on Craigslist. Amazingly enough, complete strangers reached out to either offer sympathy or tips to find her. Once Sophia was safely back at home, I updated the post to “FOUND” and thanked everyone for their help (standard protocol on CL).

And I also scanned the websites of the local shelters every few hours because they’re super great about updating their database as animals come in.

4. Sit Back and Be Patient…And Continue to Not Panic.

Which is easier said than done. I blew through my “to do” list. I went home early and cleaned out my closets. I went to happy hour on a Monday night. Basically anything to keep my mind off the fact that my poor, little pup was wandering around Land Park (hungry? cold? confused?) without her owner.

But, as mentioned, this story (thankfully) had a very happy ending. My roomies and I also learned that she is not to be trusted off-leash…even for a second. If you have a story or additional tips for recovering lost pets, please let us know by leaving a comment below!

The other day I found myself at a Trader Joe’s in East Sacramento wearing Toms, a Yoga Seed Collective sweatshirt and a sterling silver lotus charm around my neck. It occurred to me that at the ripe old age of 27 I had become that woman I used to make fun of; the person I would immediately judge and pigeonhole as a granola, tree-hugging hippie on a perpetual meditation-induced high.

While browsing the cereal aisle for gluten free options, and diligently searching the dairy section for a cashew cheese to accommodate my twenty-one day vegan challenge, I wondered how I had arrived here. While admiring my prayer bead bracelet, I debated if I really even had a problem with this evolution.

I went home and practiced crow to handstand on my Manduka yoga mat to give myself some space to contemplate this a little more.

I came to the conclusion that I am happy that I have completely forgone racing to the overcrowded 24 Hour Fitness after work, in order to make Emily Burton’s Vinyasa Flow class at Yoga Shala, three days a week. I am thrilled that an unintended side effect of my mostly plant based diet has been going down one full pant size, dress size, and unfortunately bra size (can’t have it all I guess). Overall I am a happier, healthier, more energetic and more centered person.

So why the resistance to this transformation?

The reality is I think we are quick to judge people who choose a healthy lifestyle because of our own fears of facing those challenges. We make excuses like we just do not have the time or money to dedicate to it or we just could never give up (insert unnecessary daily indulgence here, for me it was peanut M &M’s).

Like anything, it is a choice we make. It is about finding the willingness to put your health before anything else. And personally for me it is just part of growing up and choosing to feel good most of the time instead of temporarily gratified.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not a full convert. I still have indulgences, I still give into temptation. I just stuffed down my fourth (okay maybe fifth) piece of French toast casserole that was brought into my office for a (not my) birthday brunch.

I still treat myself to thick pieces of freshly baked bread, candy sprinkled donuts, big meaty lamb/pork/beef burgers and all things drenched in cheese. But you better believe, after having given my body a feel for the alternative, I am generally not happy with these choices after the fact.

So while I schedule a dinner date at Plum café, and make my grocery list for the co-op. While I daydream about spending over an hour at the Midtown farmer’s market on Saturday comparing hummus options and schedule my entire weekend around my yoga classes. While I seriously consider dropping almost $400 to attend the Wanderlust festival in July, I smile because I am happy with the “hippie” I have become.

Note: This article is not meant to preach. Every person finds their bliss in a different way. I am not suggesting that yoga studios and vegan potlucks are in your future or even right for you. I am simply reflecting on a transformation that I have undergone in the past year that just feels right, in the hopes that if another Girl on the Grid finds herself going through a similar transformation, she will not resist it so much.

What’s he talking about? Check out the full story here.

Oof.

When you’re the lobbying firm that represents groups like NARAL, Planned Parenthood, and even the A-C-L-freakin-U (the ACLU? Protectors of freedom of speech and expression? Yes.), shouldn’t you re-think putting down a feministic display of art – that you haven’t even seen – that’s been painted by an up-and-coming female artist at a new, young, hip establishment? Maybe?

Well, lobbyist Donne Brownsey of Sacramento Advocates raised an objection based on a single graf of text from the widely read Capitol Morning Report on a new series of pieces by Maren Conrad for the bar Vanguard. She “expressed” her concerns (thank goodness for the ACLU, amirite?) to the owners, and they pulled the pieces in favor of new art, some hand-wringing, and a player to be named later.

As a man, I’m constantly amazed by the fights women can get into with each other – especially about what constitutes feminism and what does not. If we can just agree that carpet-bombing the entire cast of “The View” both past and present is a great idea, I think we can move this country forward.

Granted, I’m just a simple television character with an enormous, uh, credit card. But in the interest of redirecting the conversation in a totally helpful and constructive way, I’m going to break down…

Just who’s at fault here?

1) Men. If these powerful men hadn’t slept with these little ladies, why— none of this woulda been worth fussin’ about! Now you just go lay yer perdy head down and let us menfolk do all the worryin’ for ya. Just shush now.

b) You, the reader. We wouldn’t have to have this little “chat” about the nature of “art” and “politics” if you didn’t “care” about “things” like “this.”

#) The military-industrial complex because something something CONSPIRACY! Visit Alex Jones’ infowars.org for more about this HAUNTING and EFFEVERSITY society of mole people8efnm34t—

Д) A powerful lobbyist exerting undue influence, a new bar owner that is terrified of running afoul of that influence, and every patron that doesn’t make this a public point of contention to that owner and lobbyist. (Yay for lucidity!)

€) The Kardashians. It’s always their fault.

Now the only question I have: do you think Anne Gust is upset that she painted Linda Ronstadt instead of her? Ye-ow! Catfight!

Want more from Mr. Big? Check out his Response to Cosmo’s Relationship Tips

How did a 33 year-old, single mother and local artist become a lighting rod over artistic expression, censorship, double standards, gender roles and feminism?

Here’s what happened:

• Friday, June 7 – The Capitol Morning Report included a blurb on the opening of Vanguard 1415 – and Maren’s art … “works of art created by Sacramento artist Maren Conrad with the theme lovers, mistresses, and muses of California governors that includes artsy portraits of former CA First Ladies Maria Shriver and Nancy Reagan, along with singer Linda Ronstadt, a former girlfriend of Gov. Jerry Brown.”

• Sometime between June 7-10 – According to the Sacramento Press, a female lobbyist named Donne Brownsey reads the CMR blurb and fires an email to Vanguard 1415, which led to the decision on Monday to not display the commissioned art. The process to that decision is subject to a lot of rumors and hearsay, none of which will receive further oxygen on GOTG.
  • Let’s take this moment and put the Sacramento Airport on notice. We hate, HATE that giant red bunny. The color red is sexual and demonic, and we’d like the installation removed ASAP. That is all. Thank you.

• Tuesday, June 11 (morning) – Sacramento Press publishes a story that lays out every detail. Ironically enough, the Sacramento Bee also prints their story about the nightclub’s opening and includes a photo of the paintings above their FRONT PAGE MASTHEAD, while the Sacramento Press simultaneously prints their article about the art being removed. There was not one single mention about the potential controversy in the Bee, but thanks to the Sacramento Press, this story got told.

• Tuesday, June 11 (afternoon) – By 2:00pm, our Facebook newsfeeds had officially blown up with comments almost exclusively in support of Maren’s art. By around 3:30pm, we found out that Glenda Corcoran had purchased all ten of the paintings – leaving us to hope that prints of the originals are on Etsy.com by the end of the week.
  • And we’re not kidding – Glenda is a bad ass, and we can’t wait to meet her. Her quote when asked why she purchased the art? “The collection is amazing. It was about women, made by a woman and now purchased by a woman, I can’t wait to install it.”

Now let’s all take two minutes and read Maren’s official description of the art…(long but worth the read)

Politically Vulnerable

“We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly.”
–Margaret Atwood, poet, author of Power Politics

Behind the scenes of politics, where “great men” rise to power by carefully protecting themselves from the vulnerabilities of their personal identities and histories, these ten women–wives, girlfriends, and mistresses of California governors–reveal their personal power by revealing their stories. Taken together, they represent the strength of baring one’s identity, telling one’s history, and facing one’s vulnerabilities, a strength often denied in the image-crafted world of politics and debased in the tabloid world of entertainment that finds its home in California. Though they are united by their shared connection to powerful politicians in the state, these women are celebrated for possessing their own personal puissance.

Six of the women on display are Hollywood actresses, one is a world-famous singer, and one is an award-winning television journalist and activist. The intersection of such celebrities with California politics, home to two movie star governors, is hardly surprising. What is most remarkable is the vitality these ten women exhibit through their vulnerability. First Lady of California Virginia Knight, whose first husband was killed in action during World War 2, was dubbed the “Viola Queen” by the Purple Heart Association for her long-time dedication to veteran’s causes in his honor. Linda Ronstadt, one-time girlfriend of Jerry Brown, enjoyed popularity with songs of emotional hurt like, “When Will I Be Loved,” “You’re No Good,” and “I Can’t Help It (If I’m Still In Love With You).” Celebrated actress Piper Laurie, who lost her virginity at the age of 18 to her very first co-star Ronald Reagan, playing the role of her father in the film, demonstrated the courage to expose the painful episode in her memoir, Learning to Live Out Loud. Actress Nancy Davis, who endured Ronald Reagan’s love affair with actress Christine Larson, among others, while she was pregnant with his child, would later become known as “Mrs. President,” the real power behind the throne in the White House, and allegedly maintained her own affair with Frank Sinatra. Actresses Bridgitte Nielsen and Gigi Goyette both revealed their affairs with Arnold Schwarzenegger while he sought to keep them concealed. Maria Shriver, who defended her husband against charges of groping women during his campaign for governor, earned great admiration for speaking openly later about the difficult transition of divorce, publicly soliciting advice from her supporters on YouTube about what “enabled you to get through your transition.” Shriver, a Peabody and Emmy Award-winning journalist born into one of America’s most potent political dynasties, has been a prominent activist for women’s empowerment, bringing prestige to the California Women’s Conference and conceiving the Minerva Awards, named after the Roman goddess of war and wisdom who adorns the California state seal, to honor “remarkable women who are both warriors and peacemakers.”

The portraits of these ten women suggest this essentially feminine paradox of strength in vulnerability. The white feather, symbol of both pacifism and courage, of innocence, unburdening, and renewal, is quintessentially a symbol of the power of lightness–it is at once associated with the enlightened drafting of political treatises like the Declaration of Independence and with the lighthearted unveiling of women’s bare bodies in burlesque shows. Gold, silver, and bronze leafing, used to embellish grand political edifices and holy portraits of the Virgin Mary alike, exalt the vivacity of these women by bringing their background into bright relief. A multi-layered application of paint sealed in resin suggests the layers of experience that construct identity, and the depth of histories that can provide vivid multidimensionality to one’s character, or remain concealed beneath the surface. The meticulous process of pointillism and stippling evokes the dot printing process of the magazines, newspapers, and tabloids that have brought the personal stories of these women to the public, and illustrates the curious nature of translation and distortion that are inherent in the representation of such histories through these media.

Now that we have the facts clear, let’s move into our commentary and analysis…

The artwork in question is comprised of ten paintings depicting strong women in California that are/were affiliated with political men. They aren’t nude – they aren’t even suggestive. They are facial portraits without labels, captions, nametags or descriptions. These paintings were meant to strike conversation – to get patrons to wonder who they were/what they stood for and want to learn more.

Source: SacBee.com

Controversial? Meh. We’re just not seeing it.

According to the artist profile, these pieces were made to evoke conversation, though most people would probably just see them and think, “Wow, those are really well done paintings of pretty ladies.”

Therefore, it seems like they’re not censoring the paintings – they’re censoring the story of the painting’s subjects.

Listen, we’re not art aficionados. In fact, we’re pretty sure that we both failed our coloring class in elementary school.

Laura walks around museums saying, “This is art?” (And the “art” is always said while making air quotes.) Admittedly, Rachel is incapable of being able to fully appreciate the beauty and storytelling behind a Picasso, probably because she can’t even make out what the painting is. Don’t lie … neither can you.

All we know is that it looks damn cool, and that’s what matters to us. However, for others, a Picasso or the like can bring up a wave of emotion – which is very special. That’s the beauty of art – interpretation is in the eyes of the beholder. Whether it’s writing, painting, acting or dancing – art is made for the world to take in as they please, but it has to be seen first.

So why are these paintings considered controversial? Is it a generational conflict over views of feminism? The fact they included mistresses alongside wives? Double standards on gender roles? Censorship due to opposition? Is it the mere fact that we’re discussing these women as a backdrop to the men they were associated with? Did politicos warn the owners there would be economic backlash if they didn’t remove the art?

The concept of feminism has been around since the 1700’s, but it’s generally accepted that we’ve entered the “fourth wave” of modern philosophical and political feminist thought. Hell, some argue that we’re in our fifth wave, but regardless, that means that feminist thought has shifted roughly every generation.

In other words, how your grandmother defines feminism, and how you define feminism, are likely to be vastly different.

And let’s even cut out the word feminism because it brings it’s own baggage of interpretations and connotations. Let’s call it “what you believe women should be allowed to do and how/why they should be allowed to do it.”

Brownsey herself stated (in an phone conversation to the Sacramento Press), “this is no comment on the artist and her work. I just think it was an unfortunate choice of a theme. I think it’s obvious – when you read something describing a new commercial establishment like a new club, that has a theme like mistresses, lovers and muses of California governors.”

Is the fact that mistresses were included alongside wives that was considered so offensive? As if mistresses have no story worth telling and belong in the shadows of shame and secrets?

If that were true than why aren’t people tearing down portraits of Governor Schwarzenegger and President Bill Clinton and President Franklin Roosevelt and President George H.W. Bush and Governor Mark Sanford and Senator John Edwards and…ok, we’re exhausted. You get the point. It’s important to remember that these women weren’t just “girlfriends” or “mistresses” – they were progressives with full and rich lives (see artist profile).

Why does one get glory while the other receives scorn … when both are equally guilty of the same act in question?

Remember, part of what Maren was trying to convey was that, “the portraits of these ten women suggest this essentially feminine paradox of strength in vulnerability.”

Laura thought that meant that to lead an “authentic life” – just like Maria Shriver encourages – is to find the courage to be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want. Rachel went further and thought it meant that you get to be sexually confident and a CEO. We can be independent and vulnerable. We can want a husband and not kids. We can be smart and hot. We can have just as much fun as the men have – and still be taken seriously. (Ok, so we realize this is idealistic … the realists should substitute “should be able to” for “can.”)

And the best part? You can interpret her statement (and her art) to mean something vastly different. We think that’s the other major point of art – discussion over contrasting views of interpretation. We’re all looking/reading/hearing the same thing – and have vastly different opinions. And that’s a good thing because (rational and passionate) debate moves humanity forward.

Here’s the deal – every owner has the right to make their own decisions about what to put in their business. We’re not here to point fingers or blame anyone (including Brownsey), but as people who work in public relations, we could have told you three days ago (hell, at any point at anytime) that censoring works of art by a local, single mother completely outweighs the risk of leaving it up. Especially when said art is intended to evoke conversation … or at the very least serve as nice eye candy while sipping on a vodka soda. BTW – another ironic twist? Brownsey’s firm lobbies for ACLU-Northern California and Planned Parenthood. For realz, we can’t make this stuff up.

Have we reached the end of this article yet? Man, don’t we women just LOVE to ramble on and on? Lessons learned…

• Don’t judge art before you see it.
• Women should support each other – and recognize that everyone has a story worth sharing.
• Art is supposed to inspire passionate discussion – so thanks to Conrad, Brownsey and Vanguard 1415 for doing just that. (There’s always a silver lining, folks.)
• Midtown should support art, even (and maybe especially) when it’s deemed controversial. Mad props to those in the community who all voiced their support, loudly and quickly.
• Maren’s art is getting more press now than she would have gotten from actually having the pieces hanging – so kudos to her. (Silver lining, #2).
• There’s no such thing as bad publicity.

Here’s one more silver lining … that rockstar we mentioned earlier – Glenda Corcoran? Well, she and Maren will be exhibiting the artwork at Exhibit S Studio at the Downtown Plaza on June 27 from 6:00 – 9:00pm. More details here.

We’ll be there when the doors open.

Glenda Corcoran with the collection (Maren Conrad and Sacramento Press)

Read More:

• Sacramento Press: Artistically vulnerable: Vanguard owners pull controversial art collection
• FOX 40: Art Installation Depicting Wives, Mistresses and Lovers of Governors Pulled
• Sacramento Press: Art rejected by local venue finds home with local lawyer

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EDITOR’s NOTE: We’re pretty vanilla here at GOTG. We spend 95% of the time cheerleading the city, women around town and discussing our pets, kids and work-life balance. But we remain bossy, loudmouth, opinionated women who sometimes can’t resist voicing their views on important issues facing our community. Crime/public safety is one example – today’s article is another. We sent this article ahead of time to our other GOTG writers to have them weigh in – especially if they disagreed. Chelsea’s take is below, and we hope you’ll send us your thoughts (girlsonthegrid@gmail.com) so we can include them in the discussion.

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Chelsea Irvine: I have such a hard time with my feelings about this issue. I love that the women in these pictures are getting to shine and be the ones to discuss, but part of me still thinks, ‘Why are we discussing them as a backdrop to the men they were associated with?’ Yes, that’s not the sole reason, but that is where the conversation will inevitably start. If we talk about Maria Shriver and her work as CA’s First Lady solely because she was the First Lady, what about her work before (and after?) being Mrs Arnold? Linda Rondstat was a talented singer with a career of her own. Is she most recognizable because of her affiliation with a CA politico? I love that strong women are the focus of this display and I hope that in the future strong women are the focus of many displays of beautiful art, but why wives, mistresses and muses? And when will the theme be women who are political leaders and ground breakers and trail blazers? I’d love to see this art, but I see the problem. If we have these women as focal points, maybe include their male counterparts?  If you think powerful women behind powerful men get overshadowed, how about the men behind our state’s greatest women?  If that is your theme, why not highlight both? I get it. Thankfully these women’s paths took them to a place of recognition, but let us remember their lives that weren’t lived solely as ‘Mrs. Somebody.’ As a woman myself, am I thrilled that my boyfriend is successful.  I am proud of his accomplishments.  But I never want to be known for his triumphs over my own.  Yes, we are a team.  But I stand on my own. Oh, and you bet your ass I will be there to celebrate the showing of this art at the gallery they’ve been sequestered to. No matter the story, a strong woman will always have me in their corner.

Some of grew up here – others moved to Sacramento recently. So today we take a quick look back (whatever that means for each of us) to discuss when we “knew that Sacramento had arrived.”

Alanna: Growing up in the suburbs, my parents rarely allowed us to go downtown because they thought the area was unsafe — at that time clubs were on Sierra College boulevard and across from Arden Fair mall. I’m not sure when it happened and can’t put my finger on “that moment” exactly, but over time, the stripmall hangouts have shuttered their doors and midtown/downtown started feeling safe again.

Amy: I think it was when I moved to San Diego for a few months and came home. It was one of our classic, warm summer mornings and walking through midtown with my Temple Coffee I thought, “in a lot of ways, it’s just as good here.” Then, I went to a welcome home dinner at Taylor’s Kitchen that totally sealed the deal.

Chantel: I moved to midtown 10 years ago and was located around the G & 20th area.  At the time we had Uno Mas, Noah’s bagels and Streets of London to choose from. The whole Marrs building is such an awesome addition to the midtown area and offers so many options! One random day I just looked around, and realized I had tons of options for dinner and drinks and that wasn’t always the case. The arena feels like another big “ta-da” moment!

Laura: I moved here in 2006, and the first place I visited was the downtown “mall” on K Street. Not gonna lie, my first thought (while walking down K Street) was “where and the hell have I moved to?” Fast forward a few years, and now K Street is home to lofts and some of my favorite bars/restaurants (Ella, KBar, etc). And with the arena looking more and more like a reality, I can’t wait to see the ripple effect. Fingers crossed that the development continues to be local and mixed-use.

Lisa M.: From the perspective of someone who moved to Sacramento in 2008, the transformation it has undergone in the last five years has been incredible. I will admit I dreaded living here versus the Bay Area when I made that fateful decision. I am grateful I did because I am in love with this city. A defining moment in my short time here was when deVere’s and the Mix opened; that is when I really felt like Sacramento night life could compete with San Francisco. And even though I am not a fan of Dive Bar, and the like, I am grateful for the transformation of K street that those businesses initiated. I am so happy that Sacramento will be getting the Arena it deserves; kudos to KJ for the role he has played in the revitalization of downtown/midtown. Sacramento is already on the road to become a model city and the Arena will just be the giant state-of-the-art cherry on top.

Lyndsey: I think it was the first day I came to Sacramento July 4th,05. I went on the American River to float with a group of friends I had just met the night before at a family BBQ/3rd if July party. It was the most amazing time EVER, not to mention I also meet some of friends I would now call best friends and my soon to be husband! Got to Love Summer in Sacramento!!

Stacy: It was probably around 5 years ago and I was driving through Downtown on a Saturday night during the summer and there were people EVERYWHERE. I remember thinking to myself ”this town is hopping” and it made me smile inside.

I have lived in Sacramento since 2001 and have seen the city change a lot over the past decade or so, especially in the dining department.  The culinary scene here has been getting a lot of attention, especially after Mayor Kevin Johnson declared us America’s Farm to Fork Capital earlier this year.  We have at least 12 farmers’ markets in the area throughout the year – in fact, there’s one in front of my office right now.  The farm-to-fork idea is prevalent in many local restaurants and you can see many of local chefs buying their meat, fish, produce and cheese at any one of the markets in town.

That idea of buying and eating local is the inspiration behind Local Roots Food Tours. These walking tours are designed to showcase the tastes and flavors of Northern California while providing an art and history lesson about Sacramento’s neighborhoods.  Local Roots Food Tours have been around for about two years and they’ve just added a Sunday Brunch and Art tour that sounds fantastic.  I was able to participate in their “Gourmet on K” tour this week and came away with a new perspective on one of the downtown’s main drags.

I skipped lunch and headed out at 1:30 with a very empty belly – but that didn’t last for long!  Our first stop was the Downtown Sacramento Hyatt.  It might be a little unexpected to see a major hotel chain on a local culinary tour, but as Chef Jason Poole walked us through his organic garden on the patio, it was clear that they take eating local seriously.  Chef Poole served us a filet of grilled salmon over a quinoa salad, topped with a marinated mushroom, endive and Asian pear salad.  I thought we’d be getting a bite, but this was definitely a large appetizer portion!  We then got a close look at the urban garden where he grows herbs, tomatoes, peppers, radishes, peas, chard and more for dishes at the hotel’s restaurants.

One down, five to go!

What goes better with California food than California wine?  We turned the corner and entered Downtown and Vine, the only tasting room in downtown Sacramento.  Opened in December 2012, the idea behind Downtown and Vine is to bring 12 regional wineries to the city.  Visitors can try a flight or enjoy a bottle from Amador, El Dorado, Napa, Sonoma, San Joaquin or Sacramento counties, while enjoying small plates made with ingredients from around northern California, including Cowgirl Creamery cheeses (always a personal favorite).

Next stop, Mayahuel, a tequila museum, restaurant, lounge and bar.  The owner strives to capture not only the flavors of Mexico, but also the spirit, in his recipes.  Here we had a delicious starter – totopos con chile – a smoky and cheesy twist on nachos, the restaurant’s signature crema de chile poblano soup and savory mini-quesadilla.  All of this was paired with a sweet and tart mocktail, the asi sabe Mexico (very loosely translated as “that’s Mexico”) which was yummy and refreshing.  When I go back, I’m getting it with tequila!

At this point, I’m officially full.  But, who can turn down a strawberry éclair from Estelle’s, the delightful patisserie on the corner of 9th and K streets.  All of their pastries are made daily on site using local ingredients and produce.

In between all these food stops, our guide shared K Street’s history as one of the city’s most importantthoroughfares.  “The Kay” was once home to the most prosperous businesses of the post-Gold Rush era.  Montgomery Ward, Hale Brothers and Weinstock and Lubin were the biggest retailers of the time and had flagship stores on The Kay, right at the end of the Central Pacific Railroad.  In the roaring 20′s it was a major entertainment district, home to theaters, including the Fox and the (still in business) Crest and Vaudeville, jazz and burlesque clubs.  I’ve walked past these buildings a hundred times and never knew the history that lived inside the walls!

Back to the food – two stops to go.  I was almost tempted to skip my snack atBlackbird, but who am I kidding?  Chef Kevin O’Conner is on the cover of this month’s Sacramento Magazine‘s “Hot Chefs” issue and his restaurant doesn’t disappoint.  I’ve eaten here a few times and am always impressed (you must try the seafood chowder) but this visit was straightforward – oysters.  The place is known for its raw bar and I was delighted to sample one (which only led me to share a half dozen with a friend a little later on at one of The Kay’s other standouts - Ella Dining Room & Bar) as well as the squid ink risotto croquettes.  Chef O’Conner is all about local – he even uses produce from his grandmother’s garden in Blackbird’s kitchen.

Last stop: Ambrosia.  And I really was too full to have more than a bite of their classic tiramisu even though it was very tasty.

All in all, it was a history lesson and a culinary delight wrapped into one!  The tour reminded me that there’s a very good reason that California and culinary go hand-in-hand and that I can experience the bounty right in my backyard!

You can follow Local Roots Food Tours on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and on Instagram @localrootsfoodtours.

View the original post at Visit California HERE!

Are you still a Kid at Heart? Unleash your inner child in the VIP Area at the first THIS Second Saturday Block Party on June 8th! Enjoy an evening (4 – 9 pm) of guilt free funtivities like corn hole, water slides and finger painting: 100% of VIP ticket sales benefit the Sacramento Children’s Home! VIP access includes:

• Access to the Day on the EDGE VIP area offering seating, complementary water & GoGirl, Oyster Bar and finger foods catered by blackbird kitchen + bar

• $1 off drafts & well drinks at Low Brau

• $3 draft beers, $2 Pabst 16oz drafts and $1 off all sandwiches at Mr. Pickles

• $4 off entrance to see Sacramento’s longest running comedy show, Anti-Cooperation League, at the Sacramento Comedy Spot

• One entry into drawing for Yosemite Vacation Get-Away package valued at over $700

• $15 off one season of XOSO Summer Dodgeball

**Pre-sale tickets are only $10 and go up to $15 the day of. Don’t delay because only pre-sale ticket holders will be able to access the VIP Indoor air-conditioned space hosted by Ruhstaller Beer and it is going to be 100°+! The first 75 attendees will also receive a VIP Membership card to Vanguard, a new high-end lounge opening across from the Capitol on June 7. Reserve your chance to act like a kid while helping kids this Saturday, pre-sale ends Friday at 10 pm!

** Summer Wednesday No Sting Dodgeball league only, offer expires on June 12, 2013

If you haven’t heard about the latest dating app Tinder, prepare yourself because it is catching fire. (I’m sorry I couldn’t help myself with that one)

Imagine a cross between “Hot or Not” and OK Cupid, and then you’ll have the basic premise of the app. Tinder syncs with your Facebook account, so for every potential match you see on your screen, you will view the person’s picture and the number of shared Facebook friends you have along with your number of shared interests. It also uses GPS to locate you, so you will see the potential matches that are in your area.

At the bottom of the screen there is a red X and a green heart. Like what you see, hit the heart. Don’t like what you see, hit the X button. You can also pass on people with a simple swipe of your finger to the left.  This feature gives the app a game-like quality. When you and another Tinder user have liked each other, there is a pop-up saying “It’s a match!” At this point you can either send that person a message or “keep playing.” (Notice the multiple game-like features to the app)

The Good

More than anything, this app is hilarious. The entertainment quality is high and I have shared MANY laugh out loud moments with my friends over funny situations that have arisen over Tinder. For example, a few weeks ago I received a text from a number I didn’t have saved in my phone. The exchange went something like this:

• Random number: “Hey is it weird that I liked you on Tinder?” 
• Having NO CLUE who this was, I tossed out the name of one of my sister’s friends.
• Me: “Um, is this (random name inserted here)?”
• Random number: “No, this is Austin!!”

Turns out it was my friend and fellow SMEBB nominee Austin McRonald. Love ya A! (Evidently dating life is still a challenge for some of us SMEBB’s) Perhaps this isn’t funny to the casual reader, but I found it hysterical.

One of the other nice features of the app, is that you only can chat with people who have also liked you. This means, in theory, that you both already consider each other hot and you don’t have to worry about putting yourself out there to someone you think is attractive, who doesn’t feel the same about you.

The shared interests feature is also appealing. If you find a guy who’s also into Miike Snow, Games of Thrones and Sufjan Stevens, awesome! If the guy you’re checking out also likes Boo the Pomeranian, pass!

The Bad

This app skews young, like REALLY young.  I would say the average age is about 20.  This was particularly evident for me when I was scrolling through many of these potential matches only to find that our shared friend was my best friend’s nephew. Who is 20 and a sophomore at UC Davis.  While this is another hilarious byproduct of the app’s design, it is hardly the recipe for finding a date. Unless of course you are 30 and want to know what it would feel like to be a cougar.  (aka #10 on our list of worst midtown women) Also, the app does not let you filter out by age, so those 18, 19 and 20 year olds continue to populate your feed.

Tinder’s matching settings limiting your search based on distance does not work particularly well. Even if you set a search limit of 30 miles, for example, the app still pulls people who are in San Francisco or farther.

The Ugly

It seems as though many people are using Tinder as the straight person’s Grindr. In other words, they are using Tinder to facilitate random hookups with strangers. If receiving messages like “Hey this might seem forward, but can you meet me in the lobby of the W Hotel in 15 minutes and we’ll see what happens” get you excited, then Tinder may be perfect for you. This definitely skeeves me out.

Ultimately, the app is fun for a few laughs but I am seriously doubtful I will be going on ANY dates with my potential matches.

Do you have any amusing or weird Tinder stories? If so we would love to hear them!

I am a professional woman who owns two successful businesses and I have tattoos. 5 of them. I love every piece of art on my body and I have absolutely no tattoo horror stories or regrets.

Welcome to 2013!!

I must admit: I grew up in a super conservative area of the country, and, although my parents taught me to be non-judgemental, I judged. I assumed. I stereotyped. I stared. Until I met my first tattoo artist, I thought everyone with ink must have spent time in prison. My first tattoo experience was quite the occasion, in fact, we called it “family fun night.” You see, each of my parents, my younger sister and I all got inked up at once, which made the event special. The simple butterfly that I got so many years ago seems so cliché now, but I wouldn’t change it for the world because it was a special evening that we shared together.

At that point I realized that a tattoo is not just about the art, at least for me, but it’s the thought, the event and the feelings that we remember when looking at that illustration every day. Would I get more tattoos in the future? Absolutely!

Although it’s becoming rare, I do have to deal with the occasional turned up nose when the large, pink “LOVE” is spotted on my arm. My first thought is “really???” it says LOVE… how can that be offensive?? I try not to skip a beat or become self-conscious and realize that I used to be that person, but maybe I’m the one who will debunk their permanent body art theory.

Wear it proud ladies! Walk with your head held high and strut your stuff. You are still classy, graceful and beautiful.

My top 5 when choosing a new image, placement and artist:

1. Is this something I can stand to look at every day? (this will help determine both placement and image)
2. What is the importance of the tattoo? (is it worth branding your body for?)
3. Will the color look good on my skin tone?
4. Is the artist reputable? (I only use artists who have been referred by personal friends)
5. Is this my final answer? (If you sway between two images or placements, my suggestion is to think about it long enough to have a definite FINAL answer that you have no doubt about)

A couple of months ago I realized that the black patent platform pumps from Forever 21 (hand-me-ups from my little sister) were not going to last very long. My wardrobe doesn’t require a lot of business attire or heels because most of the time I work in a business casual environment. Looking at my upcoming schedule, however, I realized my one pair of pumps wasn’t going to cut it.

I set out to find pumps that I could not only wear to work but also to evening events. Sometimes when I come home before going back out for the evening I’ll walk Wembley for a few minutes so I tried to find shoes that I could walk the dog in and then head out to happy hour.

Although I had every intention of replacing my black patent pumps with something comparable and practical, I ended up buying a pair of day-glow yellow pumps (think highlighter yellow) that I justified by telling myself that “they’re totally appropriate for my upcoming trip to Miami” – and they were. The neon shoes are the Calvin Klein Whinnie Patent Pumps which are reasonably priced (around $100 after taxes, or A LOT less if you buy them at Ross like I did). For those who want a more practical color, the shoes also come in black patent which is close to the Forever 21 pair minus the platform. The Calvin Klein Whinnie pumps are the perfect height for me (about 4 in.) and the arch is high enough that they support my entire foot. There is also a gel-like cushion where the ball of the foot rests which comes in handy after long hours at the office or a PR event.

Moving on to Nordstrom Rack, I also found a pair of nude-colored (the official color is Petal)patent pumps by Vince Camuto called Caelyn. Vince Camuto is one of my go-to shoe brands and the price was right (under $100), plus this color will go with almost any outfit. The almost 4-inch heel may be high for some, but I’ve found this hight works well with my foot.

Both of these pairs of shoes can easily go from Work to Wine (aka Happy Hour) but walking Wembley in them would be a little more challenging. The shoe that I have found that best meets all of these needs are the TOMS wedges. I have two pairs of the peep toe wedges and I’ve been eyeing a pair of the strappy wedges since they came out last summer (hint hint Andy).

These shoes are by far the most comfortable heels I own and there are many style options. The price may seem steep for TOMS ($69) but they are my go-to shoe when I need to be on my feet all day and long into the evening. Plus if I need to chase Wembley down the street I don’t feel like I’m going to turn an ankle in the 3 5/8 inch heel.

I’m still on the hunt for a great pair of black patent, platform pumps to take over the day my Forever 21 pair falls apart.

What are your go-to work to dog walk to happy hour shoes? Leave your recommendations in the comments below.

Don’t forget to follow Wag Work Wine on Twitter and Pinterest. Also, lick…er, “like” us on Facebook and tell your pup-loving friends to do the same!

Do we make you wag? Sign up for Wag Work Wine email updates to get alerts when we post new content!

View the original post over at WWW here!

Never heard of Uber? Seriously? Then check out GOTG’s review here.

1. They open your door – whether you want them to or not.

2. Their app is the bomb-dot-com – you know exactly how long it’ll take them to reach you, you can watch the driver’s progress/route, and text them directly if you need more time (etc).

3. Let’s face it, DUIs are expensive.

4. Everyone looks hotter cruising around town in a black SUV or Mercedes sedan. 

5. Yellow Cab is totally unreliable.

6. We never have cash…and always choose the cab that doesn’t take credit cards. Uber, on the other hand, has your credit card programmed into their system. When you arrive at your destination, you simply get out of the car (after thanking your driver, of course). No tipping, no swiping – they take care of it automatically.

7. No more fighting for cabs outside of bars on L Street, J Street, R Street and K Street.

8. Their drivers flirt with you – and most of the time, that’s a good thing.

9. They don’t judge you for eating/drinking. Hell, they even provide water and mints.

10. You can rate the drivers – and they can rate you right back.

BONUS REASON? Vetting and quality control means no more creepy taxi drivers.

Along with the much-anticipated new Kings arena, B Street Theatre (Facebook) (Twitter), the beloved off-the-beaten-path staple in Sacramento’s arts world, will also be relocating to Midtown in its new home within the Sutter District at 27^th and Capitol.

Founded in 1986 as a touring theatre company for children, B Street Theatre has since grown into a premier performing arts organization, inspiring thousands of children (and now adults) each year. The convenient location will put the new B Street Theatre Performing Arts Complex within walking distance from many of Midtown’s popular restaurants and shops, an issue that proved to be a problem in its previous spot at 2711 B Street.

The plan is to expand the theatre to 40,000 square-foot accommodating two performance spaces and a full-service restaurant/café. According to their website, the larger of the two theatre spaces will be the Sutter Children’s Theatre, a 365-seat playhouse featuring wing and trap space to create seemingly magical entrances of actors and props. The second space will be a 250-seat theatre with a thrust stage for a more intimate atmosphere.

With the help of Sutter Medical Center, the new Arts Complex has reached more than two thirds of its capital goal of $24 million dollars. Once accomplished, the complex is expected to create over 200 new jobs and opportunities.

If you want to help the new B Street reach their goal, there are four levels of donations – your own brick ($1,000), theatre seat ($2,500) or star ($5,000) …and of course whatever other amount (big or small) that you can give. For more information visit http://www.bstreettheatre.org/next-stage/donate-seat.php

Midtown eagerly awaits B Street Theatre Performing Arts Complex and will sure be a great addition to its already eclectic and diverse scene.

Would you quit your secure and successful corporate job to pursue a business revolved around your passion? Well, that’s exactly what Sara Arbabian did. She’s the co-owner (with her husband) of The Rind, Midtown’s unique cheese-centric shop that also offers small plates and an eclectic wine/beer menu.

Did we just say “cheese-centric shop???” Yeah, we did. Cue the choir of angels:

The Rind (1801 L Street, Suite 40) (Facebook, Twitter) officially opened to the public yesterday – but go easy on them people, they’re a brand new business in a small space with new staff. They’re hoping to be the “whole package” for customers with a warm and rustic vibe filled with reclaimed elements, like wooden riddling racks as the bar top and wine barrel hoops for lighting.

Patrons can expect a diverse menu of top-notch artisanal and farmstead cheeses paired with domestic/imported wine and beer. They’ll also have small plates like charcuterie, leafy green salads, “grown-up” mac & cheese and grilled cheese sandwiches. [insert stomach rumble]

The Rind also expects to host public and private events, as well as catering and educational pairings for organizations.

Sara – who delightfully refers to herself as the “cheesemonger” – was kind enough to share how she had the courage to follow her dreams and start her own small business … as well as reveal her favorite cheese and guilty pleasure on the grid.

Source: Michelle Krebaum

What’s your background? How did you get into the cheese world?

An old college friend taught me how to pair artisanal cheeses with wines for a work project many years ago, and as a result, I found a new love affair. Pretty much after that, people knew that I loved to have an extensive cheese plate to pair with our many wines when they visited my house. Often, this would be my dinner!

After seven years as a Human Resources Manager working towards other peoples’ dreams, I decided to ask myself what was my dream? My dream is to get excited every day about what I do, and cheese, wine, and beer does that for me. I just love it!

What did you learn during the process? What was easy/hard about starting your business?

When I think about what ups and downs I have gone through, the phrase that comes to mind is, “you don’t know what you don’t know.” This phrase encapsulates the thought that goes through your head when you bump into an obstacle when you had no idea it was coming around the corner. Even though there are so many resources out there to help people start their own business in Sacramento, each phase or aspect of starting your business often feels disconnected. The key is to connect the dots on your own, and sometimes when you go out of order, you are redirected by some nice person at the City to backtrack and do something else first. Patience and time is what you must have at all times.

What’s been your experience with Sacramento’s entrepreneurial community?

I am so excited to be part of the Sacramento entrepreneurial community. Everyone has been very warm and welcoming to us coming into the community. I was at first a little nervous about introducing The Rind to the Handle District, a micro-community full of delicious foods and dessert alongside bars and retail shops. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that there was an excited buzz for cheese to join the community and bring something new to the table. I truly believe we can help each other perform better for our community, enhance the ambiance, and provide a unique addition to Sacramento as it comes into its “Foodie Renaissance,” as I like to call it.

What advice would you have for other female entrepreneurs?

First of all, draft a very strong business plan with thorough financials planned out. Be sure what you are doing will be profitable before you embark on this complex journey! Also I’d recommend that they be passionate about what they want to do, to seek out information from those who are doing it well, to be humble throughout the process, to keep on top of it daily to make it become a reality, and be grateful for the internet and its glorious world of information! In a nutshell!

What are you most excited about, in opening this shop?

I’m fairly stoked to discover new and old cheeses that are hard to come by and have them in our cheese bar.  Exploring new pairings with fabulous wines and beers should make me want to wake up every morning! I’m also excited to develop a strong team of employees who are excited to work around cheese, wine and beer. I sincerely hope they too are excited to come to work, love what they do, and eventually the guests will love to come to The Rind as well.

Who’s your targeted customer?

Our target customer has, in general, been very varied because cheese transcends your typical demographics. I have had 12 year old girls to 80 year old men tell me how excited they are for us to open. If cheese is what unites people, then that is what I call a demographic of love!

Ok, onto the lightning round… what’s your favorite cheese?

Favorite cheese? That’s always a hard question to ask a glutton like myself. I especially love a good aged cheese with those delicious crystals (amino acid called tyrosine) like L’Amuse, or a really creamy but piquant blue like Rogue Creamery’s Oregon Blue, or just Burrata, a fresh and cream filled mozzarella that is amazing on artisan toasted bread.

Favorite wine?

You ask tough questions! It’d be easier if I told you what I didn’t like, haha. Seriously though, if I had to narrow it down to three, I love a big and creamy chardonnay, a fruit-forward zinfandel, a well-aged cabernet sauvignon or rioja. Wait, that’s four…

Favorite bar in Sacramento? Restaurant? Guilty pleasure?

My favorite bar or restaurant depends on what I am trying to experience. For a great night out, I’d recommend Mulvaney’s B & L restaurant, for a great red wine selection, Aioli’s Spanish Bodega, for great happy hour foods all night long, MIX and Lucca’s on Thursdays, and my favorite dive bar is Club2Me. My guilty pleasure lately has been Divine Gelateria. It is seriously divine.

Where do you see Midtown in 5-10 years? Greatest challenge and opportunity?

Midtown is not what it was five or even 10 years ago. Where we are today is a wonderful place, budding with potential and excitement. You can shop, eat, and play all within walking distance from your home! Its greatest challenge and opportunity will be to continue providing a safe environment that is cost-friendly to the community as it continues to grow.

Source: Laura Braden

Source: Michelle Krebaum

Source: Michelle Krebaum

EDITOR’s NOTE: After our “Ten Horrible Men You (May) Meet in Sacramento Bars” went viral (over 2,300 views the first day), we realized that we were onto something. We received dozens of texts, calls, emails and Facebook/GChats from our guy friends wanting to know if certain profiles were written about them. We heard from tons of women who thought we were talking about their ex specifically. We created a poll to see which profile resonated the most (#7 was the clear winner).

The good news is that no profile was about any one person, but rather the compilation of our experiences, what we’ve heard girls complain about…and we even had a few of our #7 and #10 friends help us draft the post. And while GOTG is largely meant to celebrate and champion all things great on the grid…it’s also really fun (and clearly welcomed by our readers) to get a little snarky. So in the interest of total fairness, we decided it was time to turn our spotlight towards the ladies.

Because let’s face it, there are plenty of crazy females out there ruining it for the rest of us trying to find Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now). In fact, some of these prototypes are directly responsible for creating the monsters of men that many of us find ourselves dealing with. So we present (in no particular order), the top ten horrible women you (may) meet in Sacramento bars…

1. Ms. Sloppy Drunk at Work Functions

Everyone dreams of the work party with free booze and naughty little tryst that comes along with flowing libations (Yes, we want our lives to be exactly like Mad Men. Deal with it. At least it isn’t Gossip Girl.). But pass on the chick who can’t handle her booze.

Yelling “shots!” at your boss isn’t kosher unless he is in LMFAO. And its still not cool when your boss is in LMFAO. Find the happy medium. Get drunk enough that you can fool around in a cab… Not so drunk that a cab turns into an ambulance.

2. Ms. Interloper

She’s a good conversationalist. Always ready for a round of drinks. Can tell a good joke. She’s pretty cool when it comes down to it – until they try to steal everyone around us. Sure your 20s and 30s are about good friends and good times. But make friends, don’t hijack them. That’s when the crazy shows up, and it is special. You’ve befriended my friends on Facebook after a brief encounters. You exchange numbers with my girl friends to practice yoga. And you start showing up at gatherings, happy hours, and parties with people you didn’t know from the week before.

Of course you want to hang with our crew: we’re great. But that’s our choice. It gets weird when you’re running with the friends’ girlfriends… when they don’t even know your last name. Stop wedging your way in. You’d be welcome if you didn’t force it so much. (That’s what she said!)

And if she doesn’t get bounced for the next flava of the week, she’ll dip out of your life because she’s found another “cool” group to roll with. Don’t worry. We’ll be fine because as fast as you’ve friended us, that’s as fast as you’re forgotten.

3. Ms. Denial

Despite the apparent awesomeness of our dear town, this chick dreams of greener pastures… but has zero drive to actually change her scenery. And let’s be clear – she’ll never, ever be happy where she is. She’ll wax poetic (AKA incessantly whine) about the shopping, restaurants, party and dating options in Los Angeles and San Francisco… but when pressed, can only name the most obvious examples. Her Facebook cover photos fluctuate between Laguna Beach and the Golden Gate bridge or Napa’s vineyards and the Giants’ World Series win… but all are stock photos. You’ll break up with her the next morning after your first sober conversation.

4. Ms. Hubster and Babies

“Oh, Lord no. Check the condom. No, no – check it again! Is that a pinhole? Oh no… no no no. I only left the room for a minute to use the bathroom. Why didn’t I notice anything? HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID? She wouldn’t stop talking about her girlfriends’ babies all through dinner. “Sandy just had her second daughter. I looove my little nieces and nephews! Baby Timothy just sat up for the first time. Ugh, I can’t wait to be a mom!” 

“And she kept talking nonstop about bridesmaids dresses and floral arrangements. Did we look at her Pinterest account together? What was the deal with asking if I would be okay moving to the suburbs? And why did she keep asking about my family medical history? WHY DID SHE KEEP ASKING ABOUT MY FAMILY MEDICAL HISTORY?! Breathe, man. Breathe…now what time does Rite-Aid open?”

5. Ms. “True” Sports Fan

GO WHATEVER LOCAL/REGIONAL SPORTS TEAM IS IN SEASON!!!!! WHOOOOO!!!!

Stop. Just stop. All of it. You don’t have to fake the funk. There is no way you like [insert sport] as much as your man. The way you reacted to that double-play sounded like someone stole your dignity. And just because there is “laundry” on the field (penalty flag) doesn’t mean you need to yell about how blind the refs are. We get it. 

Liking sports is all good and we appreciate the conversation about the games, but please save the lectures. A moment of honesty: Sports are a break from you sometimes. I don’t need you ruining the one thing that I can truly enjoy.

But for real, we want to you like sports (I know that was contradictory to everything above.). You just don’t need to be the assistant coach. We have a hard enough time realizing that we aren’t on the team. But please feel free to wear a sexy jersey – and leave it at that. No need for you to go all Madden on us.

6. Ms. Gold Digger/Puppet Master

Sigh, this girl makes us the maddest. She’s only after one thing – and it’s not your personality or company. Maybe she’s a victim of her upbringing and circumstances, but if Oprah and Coco Chanel can make it financially on their own, then so can you sweetheart. I don’t know why this chick is also high maintenance and neurotic, but they seem to go hand-in-hand. Her body is usually rocking (to make up for her face, attitude and/or personality).

She’s the ultimate “yes” woman … playing the role of trophy girlfriend, stroking your ego (and anything else you want), and making you feel like the center of her universe – but God help you when you lose your job or get caught checking out a girl at Zebra Club or buy the wrong Tiffany bracelet with your “black card” (which you better hope is an AmEx, rather than a Capital One Venture Miles).

You’ll wake up screaming one fine morning and won’t know why. We do. It’s the existential terror of knowing you’ll never have enough money or time to ever truly satisfy her. She doesn’t really love you or want you to be happy, you exist simply as the means to her ends. You’ll break up with her (for the fifth and final time) after you’ve paid her cell phone bill for the 100th time.

If you can’t keep up, she’s moving on.

7. Ms. Independent

Ok Beyonce, we get it – GSD is your middle name, and Confidence and Ambition are your best friends. This chick is likely younger but with a longer resume and larger bank account… And MAN, is she NOT afraid to let you know it.

Terrified that you won’t respect her or treat her as an equal partner, she’ll go out of her way to assert her power and authority. Sex on top? Check. Name-dropping the politicos she’s worked for/knows personally? Check. Doesn’t trust you, but expects you to trust her? Check.

At first, you’re intrigued that she reads Atlantic Monthly and knows all about the French-Indian war, but this is a fully functioning adult that’s not afraid to (loudly) express herself…or call out your BS.  You’ll inevitably shelve her when you realize it’s much easier to have one night stands with other #’s on this list that you’ve just met at Chargins or BarWest.

8. Ms. Fitness Freak

Crossfit, Bikram yoga, boot camps, running laps around McKinley Park, Capitol Athletic Club – this woman will wear you down like her last pair of running shoes. She has no time for your insecurities. Her body is a temple, and your manboobs sicken her.

The worst part about the fitness freak is that it spills over into real life. Chicken and rice again? Another salad wrap? Men can cope with that, but when you only order soda water with a lime at a bar, you cross a line. Pull the healthy stick out of your ass and have a good time. A personality is part of looking great.

You can give her a shot … She may even find your pale skin and flabby arms endearing for awhile. But that other drill-instructor-boot will eventually drop. She’ll complain that you have no interest in taking care of yourself. You’ll try and justify having a cheeseburger for lunch while she’s pounding down a kale and quinoa salad, staring at you with complete disdain. Want to hit the bars? Too bad because she’s on a juice cleanse to get ready for “bathing suit season” you FAT. DISGUSTING. F***.

It’s pretty simple: this gal is so horribly unhappy with herself that she’ll project every last bit of her personal pathos onto you. If she doesn’t get to feel great about herself, then neither do you, uggo.

9. Ms. Drug User

Cocaine is one hell of a drug.

iPhone constantly blowing up? Endless supply of ziploc bags and energy? Yep, these people don’t just exist in the male form. She knows the way to any club bathroom from any angle of attack. They chicks are easy to spot: typically they’re 32, still working on her Bachelor’s at Sac State and still working in the service industry.

She can dance til dawn but is really only good for the night (make that exactly 8 hours, and yes, condoms are an absolute neccesity). She’ll hang out with anyone, anywhere at anytime – as they long as they supply her with a seemingly endless supply of nose candy.

Her motivating factor when it comes to men? Does he have hard drugs, and how do I get him to give them to me? You’ll break up with her (jokes – you don’t actually date these women!!!) when your bank account is empty … and you realize you’re one of seven guys she’s “hanging out” with.

Again – really, really hope you wore that condom.

10. Ms. Cougar

She’s not really a “girl” per say anymore, but she would probably love if you referred to her as such. You can find this specimen of horrendous woman at the Mix most nights (because thank god there’s no cover if you’re over 40).

You decide to approach because her body looks banging from all those Bar Method and Pilates classes. But once you move in for the crush and strike up a conversation, you notice it’s a bit odd that her face has no movement from the eyes up (thank you Botox!) and her lips have a permanent duck pout (thank you Juvederm!). Let’s be real, she doesn’t want to talk, she just wants to drive you back to Roseville, lock you in her bedroom and reenact all three books in the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy.

While she could be fun for a weekend, Midtown beckons you back because life hearing about PTA meetings, her P.O.S. ex and his “pathetic” alimony checks, and dinners at Crush 29 get very old very quick. Not unlike her.

BONUS: Ms. Hipper Than Thou

(Added late by overwhelming popular demand and courtesy of “Mr. Big”)

Oh… THIS broad. Variants can be found in every major metropolitan area on either coast with suitably sketchy/”artistic” neighborhood. Let’s go down the list, shall we?

• Exclusively smokes American Spirits and wears Keds.
• Most income spent on tattoos and in thrift shops.
• Hates “bros from Roseville” even more than you do.
• Doesn’t date men that weigh more than 150 pounds.
• “I’m only into musicians and artists”.
• Works in the service industry because of the hours and lack of responsibility.
• Totally models her look on Bettie Page, even if she denies it.
• Physically recoils when you mention leaving the Grid for anything (“What about running to Costco?” “UGH GROSS”).
• Complains that The Golden Bear is becoming “too popular”.
• Talks about moving someplace like Oak Park … but never, ever will.

But, she’s sexy so you’ll give her a shot even though you will fail … miserably – especially if you’re not in a band or sans handlebar mustache. Quoting one of our fave Guys On The Grid: “Unapproachable in groups, dangerous when stranded. To be avoided at all costs.”

See also the Coachella Girl who exists on a diet of dust, psychedelics and MDMA and it’s a damn good thing they do because it’s the only way they are going to fit into those blackmilk leggings or look good walking around in nothing but furry boots booty shorts, pasties and a fuzzy hat. The festival girl would be a great time if she stopped worrying about making sure her flower headband is on straight and just listened to music for a minute!

And a special thanks to the Midtown men that contributed to this post – we appreciate your “eagerness” to help make this post accurate.

 

Do you ever see those girls with mermaid hair? Blonde hair combined with mint ombre, or magenta stripes through long chocolate locks?

I see them. I see them everywhere. It drives me crazy. Because every hairstylist I go to tells me they can’t do those colors. Either they won’t. Or they just have a fear of color. And correct me if I’m wrong but what’s the point of being a hairstylist if you don’t, or won’t, get creative with hair? Isn’t that one of the perks about being a stylist? I have always viewed hairstylist as artist and hair as their canvas. But sadly so many today just stick to the basics of blondes to blacks.

So while browsing the web, I see a local friend “like” Lace Salon (116 I Street) Facebook page.

I’m curious since I hadn’t heard of the salon but so intrigued since I found endless pictures of deep jewel tone hair color, along with candy coated dream locks. All of these gorgeous heads of hair that look like they could be swimming in the shallow waters of a lagoon. Mermaid hair!My eyes had hearts in them.

Come to find out this Facebook page belonged to someone in Sacramento… Old Sacramento to be exact. And get this – the owners name is Violet (yes that’s her REAL name), I took it as a really good sign that her name was an amazing color. I quickly scrambled through her endless pictures of mermaid clients and looked at all the gorgeous hair she was creating in Sacramento. Teal and greens in soft beach waves, lovely cotton pink in ombre tips. I mean things that I would not have even imagined trying with hair, let alone pulling it off. But Violet is pro, she has been working with “fun” color for over 10 years. Her website instantly made me feel at ease, this lady knows what she’s doing with color.

Once I finished wiping the drool from my laptop, I found her e-mail and found that she was not only one talented hairstylist, but the brand new owner of Lace Salon. I made the appointment as soon as I could.

Lace has only been open for a little over a year but it’s creating a large buzz with all the “mermaid locks” coming out of it. Violet greeted me with her cute little smile and I watched her eyes grow with excitement as we talked about coloring my hair. Watching her brush the color onto the hair is truly magical. I watched my hair come alive right before my eyes. I have always loved by brown locks, but nothing made me more excited then watching peacock teal, midnight blue, and rose red tendrils appear in my hair. When everything was dry and styled, I had to cup my mouth and just stare with excitement into the mirror.

The best part wasn’t just my reaction either, it was Violets. She’s colored hundreds, maybe even thousands of heads but each time she finishes her canvas she is just as excited to see the final results as you are. She proceeded to take photos with her phone and add me to her amazing list of masterpieces on her Instagram. We hugged goodbye and I quickly scheduled a new appointment to follow up (hopefully with new fun color to try).