Why I Don’t Need to Meet Your Friend Jim…A Story of Uncoupling

By Christie Goodfellow

Christie Goodfellow
Christie Goodfellow

For those of you who’ve met me you’ve probably met my partner in crime whom I am happily unmarried to.  We’ve been together for six years and it’s awesome.  We have two dogs, a garden and we go to the gym together.  We’re a “cute” couple.  This is NOT a story about that.  This is the prequel.

Yes, I have been married before.  I have nothing bad to say about my ex-husband or being married.  It was four years of my life and then it was over.  I have no qualms with that.

My issue lies with my girlfriends reactions right after my divorce or ‘uncoupling’ period.  I like to call this the “You should really meet my friend” period.  Ladies- please be advised.  If or when your friend gets divorced, do not fall into this trap.

There is something about people that when one of your friends becomes uncoupled, for any reason, you  immediately feel the need to grab a pen and write down every single guy you know that you can hook your friend up with.  The problem with my friends was what they lacked in quality choices they made up for in gusto with really trying to sell me on my next soulmate.

“You should meet Jim…he has three kids but don’t worry…he NEEVVVEERRR sees them.”

Great. So you’re trying to send me on a date with a deadbeat dad?  Awesome.  I’d love to meet someone who doesn’t acknowledge his responsibilities and probably ruined his first marriage by sleeping with the nanny.  Top notch choice friends.  You are all unfriended officially on Myspace (this was 2008.  Don’t judge).

So Jim was a hard pass.  “How about Bill?  You should really meet my friend Bill.  He’s really into the gym.”

Um..no.  Bill is the worst choice after a divorce.  I was married for four years.  I probably let myself go a bit and all I’ve been doing is drinking and eating pizza since no one is stopping me.  I’d totally love to go on a twelve-mile get to know you hike with Bill.  It will be super hot when the only action he gets is giving me mouth to mouth after I pass out and die on the hike.

Unless Bill is a super gay trainer who won’t make me feel bad about rewarding myself with Pink Berry every time I finish a workout, I’m sooooo not interested.  (Sidenote:  In this fantasy Trainer Bill and I are wearing matching outfits and sending each other workout mixes featuring Britney Spears on the daily.  Also, he prefers to be called William.)

Bottom line is – why do I need to be coupled up again so quickly? Come on ladies!  We can still hang out and have girl’s nights, and I’ll still be ok listening to your couple stories and even occasionally being the third wheel.  Divorce is not the end of the world and you are not obligated to rid me of my single existence.

Here’s my point; recently single ladies don’t NEED to meet any of your friends.   Not ‘Dad of the Year Jim’, or ‘former American Gladiator Bill’.  We should just be hanging with our girlfriends, sneaking wine into Magic Mike movies and buying heels because we may go to Badlands later with Trainer Bill…I mean William.

My advice to ladies who BFF’s are uncoupling…just send them a bottle of wine and chocolate and maybe a coupon for a free month of Match.com.  We’ll get the picture and we promise you can take all the credit during your bridesmaid speech when we’ve finally decided to “meet your friend ____”.

 

 

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