Why getting dressed up for your wedding is ruining my life…
By Guest Blogger, Christie Goodfellow
Yes, it’s true. It’s the start of wedding season. Now I love to get dressed up. Like I LOVE it but here’s why wedding season every year is a strain on your average guest. As someone who includes herself in the average guest column let me tell you. We don’t get it. Your vision is lost on us.
Brides- be clear in what you expect the attire to be at your wedding. What do you mean by casual cocktail attire requested? Is there such a thing? So you’re saying “please wear a cocktail dress but wearing flip flops on the dance floor when you can’t navigate in your heels after too many lemon drops is completely ok?” To me there are two ways to play that. Option 1: Come severely overdressed….like prom overdressed. Maybe even wear the tiara. Also make sure everyone at your table votes for you and not Regina George for queen. Option 2: Wear a dress you’d normally wear to work. Think black shift dress ala Claire Underwood. Maybe even hand out your business card at cocktail hour and then write off the dress purchase as a networking expense. Either way brides…casual cocktail is not a thing. It will never be a thing. Stop trying to make fetch happen.
Worse than casual cocktail is the dreaded garden party wedding attire request. I was lucky enough to attend a wedding last summer in Nevada City where the bride requested such attire. Now let me start by saying this bride is very well dressed and 100% knows what garden party attire is. Her guests however definitely did not. There was definitely a girl in a full length gown. No, she was not in the wedding. Do I think she photoshopped herself in to the bridal pics before posting on IG? Hell yes. On the opposite end of that spectrum there was a gentleman in a polo shirt and jeans. Not the worst for an outdoor wedding right? WRONG. They were jean shorts. JORTS! I think he heard garden party and thought “man I should really wear what I’d wear to mow my lawn.” Brides- garden party is clearly too confusing and should not be left up to guest’s interpretation. Plus…I really hate wearing florals with a passion. So just no.
The last and worst is the black tie event. Brides say black tie because they are terrified that the guy in the jorts from my friend’s wedding is going to show up in JNCO’s. I get it. You want people to look fancy for your big day. But when I buy a gown and my boyfriend dons a tux we expect to fit in…not like we’re going to a James Bond theme party. If your groom isn’t wearing a tux it’s not black tie. If your bridesmaids are wearing sundresses it’s not black tie. If you have on converse under your dress it’s NOT black tie. I’m not faulting for you for your mistake I’m just saying thanks for being responsible for me watching seven hours of YouTube trying to learn how to tie a damn bowtie. Not cool.
As your wedding guests we don’t ask much (well except for free food and free booze all night long) we just ask you are clear when letting us know what to arrive dressed in for your big day. Take my advice and put it on your wedding website. Because let’s face it nobody wants to be the girl wearing the ugliest f-ing skirt Regina George has ever seen.