10 truths about office flower deliveries
By Sonya Sorich
Flower power is alive and well. But instead of peace signs and bell bottoms, it happens beside a backdrop of cubicles.
I’m talking about office flower deliveries.
In theory, they’re a losing scenario for everyone involved, producing awkward conversations for the recipient and reinforcing feelings of loneliness for observers.
While especially prevalent on Valentine’s Day, the deliveries are a workplace wildcard year-round. And they’re not going away.
So before you go all Edward Scissorhands on your co-worker’s bouquet, take a deep breath and remember you’re not alone. Presented for your consideration, here are 10 truths about office flower deliveries.
- When the delivery box arrives, it will take approximately 27 minutes to find a working pair of scissors.
- The recipient will get deep comments from bystanders, such as this always insightful line: “Oh! Did you get flowers?”
- The roses will prompt all sorts of relationship war stories. Hearing Susan from accounting say “my boo” for the first time will be both endearing and unsettling.
- The powdery “flower food” that accompanies the delivery will somehow end up in the office condiment drawer.
- No roses will ever smell good enough to overpower your colleague’s unfortunate decision to eat salmon at his desk.
- Valuable company time will be devoted to taking desk bouquet photos for social media.
- There will be at least one casualty involving the water from the flowers and a Very Important Phone Number written with a felt-tip marker.
- The flowers will outstay their welcome.
- The empty delivery box will remain beside a too-small trash can for a minimum of 10 days.
- 10. The whole experience will leave everyone emotionally exhausted, and fortunately, three-day-old cake in the break room will be there to help.
Credit line: When she’s not sending flowers to herself, Sonya Sorich covers dining, retail and small businesses for the Sacramento Business Journal. (http://www.bizjournals.com/