The Sexiest (and Lamest) Costumes of 2014

By Maria Hill

It is that time of year again – when women are reminded that sex appeal is the only thing that really matters in life, especially when it comes to Halloween costumes! If you don’t believe me just ask Subway who has generously reminded us ladies to watch our calorie intake, because sexy costumes:

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In the interest of full disclosure you should know that I don’t have an issue with sexy costumes. Many years ago in my early 20s I may have worn a sexy costume and pranced out to the bars to drink kamikaze shots (shudder). My issue with sexy costumes is that it seems like in todays world any costume can be altered to be “sexy,” and sometimes it is just plain wrong. I have rounded up what I think are the most odd and confusing “sexy” costumes for 2014, all are available from unless otherwise listed.

Animals: I think back on all the animals I have seen at the zoo or had as pets in my life and, believe it or not, I never thought any of them were sexy. I am not sure how to feel now.


Sexy Lobster, Sexy Skunk, Big Brown Beaver (seriously), and Sexy Squid (I know, I can’t stop staring at the hat either).


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Food: Don’t get me wrong I have fallen in love with many a brownie sundae, but I have yet to find any sort of food item that I lust over. Also if you dress up as a sexy food item how long until the “hey girl I’m hungry” pick up line gets old and you junk punch someone?


Sexy Pizza, Sexy Grapes, Carrot Cutie, and Adult Hamburger. I guess at least the whole food pyramid is represented.


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Characters from my childhood that should never be sexy: This is the most confusing new trend in sexy costumes. I have fond memories of these characters as a child and they have no business being sexy, but whatever here goes.


Sexy Furry Monster Costumer (GIZMO WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU?! it must have been the water), Sexy “Yellow Dress With Leggings” (does this bird happen to work the corner on Sesame Street?), Bendy Babe Costume (I am kind of speechless with this one), Golden Bear Costume (nooooooooooo not Pooh Bear!)

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WTF: This category is exactly what it sounds like, and I have no words. I’m leaving the feedback on these costumes up to you, sound off in the comments section!


Interactive Tetris Dress, Delicious Bubblegum Hottie, Striped Clown Costume, Sexy Straight Jacket Costume


Screen shot 2014-10-14 at 1.06.16 PMPhoto Credit and Costumes sourced:

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