Dating Mistakes to Avoid
Jennifer Brian – Guest Blogger
We have all been there. We think the date went great and then we never hear from the other person again. We wonder what went wrong? What did I do? Am I going to be single forever?
I have been there too and it took many years for me to identify the problems because there were so many. Sometimes I drank too much, overshared, didn’t share enough, talked about my exes, how much I loved to party and the list goes on and on. What did all of my dating mistakes have in common other than me? I was approaching dating all wrong.
First dates are an opportunity to see if you have anything in common with the person sitting across from you. I wasn’t asking the right questions and I sure wasn’t revealing the right things about myself. I wasn’t ready to be vulnerable and let anyone see the real me. I choose to hide in my tales of dating, drinking and oversharing to test the poor soul who was sitting across from me thinking he had chosen wisely with taking out a school teacher.
To help others who wonder where they went wrong, I decided to compile a list of the most common dating mistakes people make which is based off of personal experiences, my dating coaching clients and friends experiences.
- Keep it simple on the first date. Ask about interests and hobbies. DO NOT discuss politics, money, religion or anything controversial.
- Don’t test the person to see how much of your baggage they will put up with. They want to get to know you. Not all the horrible experiences and therapy you have been through.
- Be positive even if you have had the worst day ever. Tomorrow is a new day; act like it and be pleasant and nice. No ranting.
- Ask questions that are meaningful but not planning your entire future together. Example of a good question: How did you end up living in _______? Bad question: How many kids do you want and where do you envision raising them?
- Do not have sex on the first date. You can have sex on any date after the first date, but just make sure it is not the first. No one respects the person who does this. We all try to convenience ourselves otherwise but the truth is, no one wants to date that person long term. No mystery, no chase equals, never hearing from the person again or you become a booty call,
- Be polite. Have manners and put away your cell phone for the hour you are together. No one wants to feel like they are an option instead of the first choice.
- Don’t discuss how many other people you are dating. You can date as many people as you want and that is your choice but telling someone that is a surefire way to turn them off. No one worthwhile wants to be an option or feel like they are competing.
- If you had a good time on the date and want to see the person again, tell them that. No one wants to guess how you feel. Put it out there. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
- Do you kiss on the first date? Depends on your personality and the opportunity. Nothing wrong with a quick kiss, just don’t have SEX on first date.
- Say thank you. If someone buys you dinner or drinks, be appreciative and don’t act entitled. Good manners get you a lot further than acting stuck up or like you were owed that meal for your time.
At the end of the day, dating is complicated and an opportunity to work on yourself and be introspective about how others are perceiving you and your behaviors. If you make a mistake, learn from it and do better on the next date! Happy dating from The Queen of Dating!
Jenn B. owns the Sacramento based dating coaching company The Queen of Dating. Jenn B also hosts events and has been featured on Good Day Sacramento and NOW 100.5’s Love Lost and Found. To find out more about her and her company, visit thequeenofdating.com