How to Get the Love you Deserve

By Traci Hines

Five Steps to Get the Love You Deserve and Desire

First Step: Commit.

Commitment to the process. Commitment to the change. A decision is made. You say things like “I am ready now!” Even if you don’t exactly believe it, just declaring it, telling people, writing it down, strengthens it. You aren’t waiting to lose that five pounds… you are deciding you are enough right now.

What to do first: Make the decision you are ready for love now. Declare it. Make it known. Then start with dating yourself. Take yourself on the absolute best first date ever… dress up, get excited… this is all creating emotion that will fuel the fans of potential lovers on your path.


Second Step: Letting go of fear and stepping into fear.

When the fear of being alone or being in crappy dating scenes becomes more painful than the fear of reaching for a new level of love and companionship, you start to realize that you were made for a great loving relationship despite past experiences and despite what you have been told by others. You are worthy NOW!

What to do second: Let go… Let of of all those less than satisfying relationships, text buddies, f@#* buddies. Delete Delete Delete… This may be painful at first, the ego wants to keep little scraps of attention for fear of having no attention. This zaps your energy from creating real and lasting love. You only have scraps to offer when you are spread so thin by all these soul sucking episodes. If they were going to turn into love, it would have happened at the beginning. Let go of “so so” and create space for mind blowing! 


Third Step: Get clear, really clear.

Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. You have a long list of wrongs with many examples of what didn’t work. To be successful, file those away now and focus on what you want. Get to REALLY know what type of person you desire in your life.

What to do next: Spend time dreaming about your love life, the one you want. What does it look like? What does it feel like? How do you feel with your love? It’s okay to have a wish list… but go deeper than how tall, or how wide… What would the perfect date feel like? What types of actions would you experience and how would those make you feel? Write it down. Trust me. Write that sh@* down! Your mind will be blown how it comes to be. When you go back and re-read this, you will be so amazed.


Fourth Step: Flip it and grab it…

This successful trait is so important. When you can stop waiting for things to happen to you and start to gain control of your own life, magic happens. Instead of asking things like “when is the amazing guy going to come to me?” or “I have been waiting for so long, what else do I have to fix to get the love I want?” Flip that… start thinking about “how much time can I devote each day to dating and relationship building?” “What days on my calendar can I clear to allow for dating?”

“What drawers can I clear out to make room for someone?” You have taken back control and there is an expectation that you are getting what you want.

What to do next: Let’s get practical here… Start dressing for the man you want ahead of time. Don’t wait for the date… be proactive… it gives you confidence and makes you more approachable. Don’t wait. Thinking of that song by Gwen Stefani, “what you waiting for”? If you are on a dating website, go ahead and make the initial contact.

Just do it. You already wrote your list of what you want. Why are you waiting for him to magically come to you? It’s okay to make the first move. At a coffee shop, say hi. If this makes you nervous, say “Hi” to thirty people a day, male or female. Get used to being engaging. In it. It’s sexy as hell.


Step Five: Open heart… based in reality.

Protect your heart without shutting it down. This is important. Expect amazing globally, not individually. You can expect to have the love you crave. You can’t make a certain person be that. Go on dates, and make sure it is fun… keep it light, open your heart to possibility, but by all means don’t give it all away, and don’t keep it shut up tight either.

Have the confidence that you know it will happen with the right person. Trust your gut. Just because this person looks good on paper it doesn’t mean you should devote your entire soul to the situation.

Enjoy the night, embrace the fun and what you learn about yourself on the date. You are on a quest of the love you crave and deserve, not what “could work”. And if your gut says “this guy is off”, TRUST IT. Call it a night… let go. You don’t have to go through a long date, you don’t owe anyone anything at this point. Have confidence, take care of yourself in this way. It makes you save that energy for company you want.

What to do next: Set up some rules for yourself ahead of time. Don’t wait for the date. How can you set up your dates in a way that is safe, yet you can remain open? Take control of your heart and who and what you let in. People need to see you, to get you and be attracted to who you are, so be genuine and relatively open in communication. Don’t tell them your whole life story. Don’t go home with a date you know isn’t going anywhere. How many dates will you go on to find a connection to move forward or let go, approx. Have a real friend, an accountability partner to help keep you on track. If you know bad boys are: well bad and bad for you. DON’T DATE THEM. If you don’t like being taken advantage of by the sweet talker, don’t continue in the dance. IF you need, take your list of what you desire with you to remind you when you start to cave to those old behaviors or patterns. Let it go.


Remember that love truly starts from the inside out. We need to clean up the s@#* that we have stored up inside so we can be the best version of ourselves. You will be amazed at how following these simple steps will translate to a polished, sexy love life. Have a sexy summer and get those love flames roaring!! LOVE YOURSELF!!!




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