Eskimo Sisters – To Know or Not Know?

sistersBy “Samantha Jones”

What’s with the alias? Ummmm…because we all have professions and careers that we’d like to keep…but we’d still like to talk about sex and relationships openly/honestly. 🙂

Ask around about the Midtown dating scene, and you’ll find there’s one thing the optimists and pessimists can agree on: it’s a really SMALL talent pool.

And as we approach/plow through our 30’s, that pool is getting smaller … and the water is getting dirtier.

Like an overlapping flow chart on your conference room’s white board, it’s virtually impossible to date anyone without baggage. Chances are, he’s already dated (or simply slept with) your co-workers, friends and maybe even your roommate.

That public affairs firm you’re interviewing with? Yeah, he bagged the Account Executive last year after the Launch Festival. Your new “best friend” who struck up a convo with you at KBar over your “adorable” jacket (and weirdly asked all of these probing questions about your relationship)? She tried to get him to move in after four months of dating. (spoiler alert: that power play didn’t pan out the way she had hoped)

Why this matters? Well, it really doesn’t. Sure the past defines who/why/how we are the way we are currently, but all that matters is that he’s with you now. If you have moral objections to his behavior, that’s one thing (and much easier to rectify AKA dump his ass), but assuming that he was just behaving like a single guy, albeit with slightly asshole tendencies , why should you want/need to know about his past conquests? Who gives a shit?

Ooooooooooon the other hand, Eskimo Sisters can be a social minefield populating the Grid with awkward encounters, pointed questions and “haters to the  left” moments. Especially if, god forbid, your boo “broke their heart” and/or rejected them at any level.

Side note: Haven’t heard of an Eskimo Sister? It’s from FX’s “The League,” and it essentially means that you and another girl friend share a sex partner.

So back to the question – is it better to know (or not know) who your Eskimo Sisters are?

Call me a masochist, but my vote is resoundingly YES.

  • A) Because I don’t think being a “man whore” in your past is reason for relationship dismissal, and
  • B) Because I like to know exactly who and what I’m dealing with. It’s my job to either reject or accept my partner’s past, and I expect them to do the same for me. I would rather identify any “dealbreakers” early in the relationship, regardless of topic.
  • C) Plus, (some) bitches be cray cray. If a chick is mean-mugging me at Vanguard, I’d like to know it’s because she slept with my boo last summer.

But ignorance is bliss, and knowing has it’s full share of drawbacks. The Smoking Jacket produced a list of engagement rules for Eskimo Brothers – here’s my list of five easy tips for the Sisters … and your man-whore-boo, too.

(Disclaimer: None of this applies if you end up seriously dating someone that a really good girl friend also seriously dated. That’s a whole minefield we’ll discuss at a later date – this post applies to random/acquaintance Sisters only.)

Stride of Pride

1. My boo shall tell me who my Eskimo Sister is upon the first direct engagement. There’s nothing worse than talking to some girl at the bar, and finding out AFTER that your boo can sketch her vagina from memory. Girls are sneaky, manipulative and dangerous when scorned. Don’t put me in the line of fire without giving me the proper ammunition.

2. I shan’t ask you if I’m hotter/funnier/skinnier/better in bed – and my boo shall never discuss similar details with me. Jealousy is a serious bitch, and there’s zero reason to get into the comparison game with your boo’s one night stand.

3. I shan’t bring up the fact that we’re Eskimo Sisters first. Always let them bring it up first, followed by treating the information as a surprise. And always absorb that information with grace and tact. “Oh really, that’s hilarious. He’s the greatest, isn’t he?” (ZING!)

4. I shall treat all Eskimo Sisters with respect – and my boo shall treat them as polite acquaintances. See #2, I don’t care how confident you are, no one likes seeing her current boyfriend flirt with a known Sister. On the other side of that coin, these girls did nothing wrong to you so there’s zero reason to be a bitch to them.

5. I shan’t make my Sisters social pariahs – in fact I’ll welcome them into the crew with open arms. I’ve actually become really good friends with some of my Eskimo Sisters (only the non-cray ones of course). After all, if we have similar taste in men, it’s not out of the norm to expect that we’ll like the same pop culture references and hobbies. Asking around, I’ve discovered this is quite common. One friend even realized that her boo wasn’t really her boo – but she keeps in touch and hangs out with her Sisters. (friendship upgrade!)

The awkward-Eskimo run in is avoidable, but it no longer has to be super uncomfortable. Keep it classy, keep it moving, and remind yourself that the only Eskimo that matters in your current relationship is that box of Klondike bars you and your man dusted last Sunday by the pool.


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