Online Dating: Top 10 Mistakes Men Make
By Pretty Much Every GOTGer…During a Private Facebook Chat (#NotSorry)
(click image for source)
WEARING SUNGLASSES IN YOUR PROFILE PIC. You don’t look cool or casual … and you’re making me nervous that you have a unibrow or glass eye.
TAKING A SELFIE IN YOUR BATHROOM MIRROR. We get it. It’s probably the biggest mirror in your place (minus the one on your bedroom’s ceiling), but g-r-o-s-s. See also: lounging on the hood of your car selfies.
PROFILE PICTURES WITH BABIES. If they’re yours, thanks for telling me up front. If they’re not yours, fuck you for thinking that I’ll melt at the sight of a tiny human.
DON’T LIFT YOUR SHIRT TO SHOW OFF YOUR ABS. EVER. Ew.
PROFILE PICTURES THAT ARE 2+ YEARS OLD. It’s time to own up to your paunch and receding hairline because there’s no amount of alcohol that’s going to make me not notice it. Word to the wise – it was the Spin Doctors T that gave you away.
DON’T SAY “YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH ALL YOUR EXES.” Because you’re lying. And if you’re communicating with your ex in any capacity other than short/polite information, it means you’re fucking them and/or still in love with them. Don’t waste my time.
PROFILE PICTURES WITH HOT CHICKS. I get it Cool Guy – just because you’re online dating, doesn’t mean that you’re not desirable by super hot chicks. It makes you at best look shallow and at worst a total man-whore.
SAYING THAT ONLINE DATING IS A STUPID IDEA, BUT “YOU’RE GIVING IT A TRY ANYWAYS.” See previous statement – AKA own it.
PROFILE PICTURES PERFORMING “EXTREME” SPORTS. Blech. See also pictures of you cleaning up a park or helping a granny cross the street.
PEN PALS NEED NOT APPLY. I’m not your emotional tampon. Don’t send me 3,000 word tomes about your life’s goals and dreams. If you want to talk, let’s try it face-to-face. Over drinks. And dinner that you pay for.
BONUS: PLEASE USE PROPER GRAMMAR AND AVOID TYPOS. PLEASE.
BONUS #2: DON’T ASK ME FOR SEXY PICS AND DON’T SEND ME UNSOLICITED DICK PICS. IT. AIN’T. GONNA. HAPPEN.