From the Desk of Mr. Big: Response to "SacArtGate 2013"

mr.-big-1024x682By “Mr. Big”

What’s he talking about? Check out the full story here.

Oof.

When you’re the lobbying firm that represents groups like NARAL, Planned Parenthood, and even the A-C-L-freakin-U (the ACLU? Protectors of freedom of speech and expression? Yes.), shouldn’t you re-think putting down a feministic display of art – that you haven’t even seen – that’s been painted by an up-and-coming female artist at a new, young, hip establishment? Maybe?

Well, lobbyist Donne Brownsey of Sacramento Advocates raised an objection based on a single graf of text from the widely read Capitol Morning Report on a new series of pieces by Maren Conrad for the bar Vanguard. She “expressed” her concerns (thank goodness for the ACLU, amirite?) to the owners, and they pulled the pieces in favor of new art, some hand-wringing, and a player to be named later.

As a man, I’m constantly amazed by the fights women can get into with each other – especially about what constitutes feminism and what does not. If we can just agree that carpet-bombing the entire cast of “The View” both past and present is a great idea, I think we can move this country forward.

Granted, I’m just a simple television character with an enormous, uh, credit card. But in the interest of redirecting the conversation in a totally helpful and constructive way, I’m going to break down…

Just who’s at fault here?

1) Men. If these powerful men hadn’t slept with these little ladies, why— none of this woulda been worth fussin’ about! Now you just go lay yer perdy head down and let us menfolk do all the worryin’ for ya. Just shush now.

b) You, the reader. We wouldn’t have to have this little “chat” about the nature of “art” and “politics” if you didn’t “care” about “things” like “this.”

#) The military-industrial complex because something something CONSPIRACY! Visit Alex Jones’ infowars.org for more about this HAUNTING and EFFEVERSITY society of mole people8efnm34t—

Д) A powerful lobbyist exerting undue influence, a new bar owner that is terrified of running afoul of that influence, and every patron that doesn’t make this a public point of contention to that owner and lobbyist. (Yay for lucidity!)

€) The Kardashians. It’s always their fault.

Now the only question I have: do you think Anne Gust is upset that she painted Linda Ronstadt instead of her? Ye-ow! Catfight!

Want more from Mr. Big? Check out his Response to Cosmo’s Relationship Tips

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