A Plea to End the Ugly Sweater Party

By Maureen Botomansweater

I love Christmas: the lights, trees, decorations, music and overall merriment.

But every December, there is one event I absolutely dread: the ugly sweater party.

I guess it was fun the first time, and maybe the second, but the third, fourth, fifth and so on after that, I really stopped caring how unique and kitschy my sweater was because in reality, everyone’s outfit is exactly the same.

Here is the formula for getting dressed.

  • Step 1: over the top sweater/sweater shirt (duh).
  • Step 2: Don’t forget the headgear. This includes Santa/elf hats, antlers, shiny bows, or the little dangling mistletoe hat.
  • Step 3: Black leggings or skinny jeans, Christmas socks, and boots.
  • Step 4 (optional): Christmas earrings and sequin eyeliner. There you go. In four simple steps, you are ready to be the shiny star of Bethlehem at your ugly sweater party.

There are only so many times I can look at the same cliché, sequin-covered Santa sweaters without wanting to gouge my eyes out with a pair of reindeer antlers. Being the gracious person that I am, I have compiled a list of alternative party themes for you to use.

  • Christmas Movie Party: Guest can dress as their favorite characters from the classic holiday movies.  This gives your friends an option to wear their tacky sweater party get up and be characters from National Lampoon, or they could get creative and coat themselves with faux fur to be the Grinch or lay boobie traps like Kevin McCallister. Extra points if you play Christmas movies in the background.
  • Gingerbread House Potluck: Bake or buy a couple undecorated gingerbread houses then have all of your guests bring different candies and treats to decorate the houses with.  Throughout the night everyone can add items as they feel inspired to the houses, or alternatively you could divide guest in to teams and have them compete to make the most attractive/creative/funny house.
  • Classy Christmas: Maybe I hang out with the wrong group of people, but the only time I get to put on a cocktail dress and heels this year is the company Christmas party.  I would like to place a strong vote for more classy affairs.
  • Cookie Swap: This idea of this is simple, though a little 1950s house wife (in a good way). Have all of your friends bake one kind of cookies, and bring them over, along with some empty Tupperware. Set all of the cookies out on a table and everyone can grab whichever cookies they want to take home. It is a great way to get some variety in your Christmas sweets display with a fraction of the effort.
  • Triple-Xmas: Ok so this may be more than you want to see of your friends, but if you want to put everyone on the naughty list, break out the lingerie and thigh high socks for a bad Santa event.

Happy holidays!

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