In the Sac with Patrick and Jamie: Texting and Dating

Dear Jamie and Patrick,

My crush keeps asking me to hang out via text. Are his intentions less that respectful or am I being paranoid?


Lindsey P. from Midtown

Jamie Says:

Once, there was a time when asking someone out via text message was considered tacky, immature and downright disrespectful. Back then, the world had yet to be acquainted with the Real Housewives, vajazzling and the literary genius of the Twilight series. It was a simpler, more innocent time, when eight-year olds didn’t wear thongs or have cell phones. Dear reader, those days are over.

We now live in an era in which entire relationships (from getting asked out to falling in love – or alternately, infidelity and breaking up) can be conducted electronically. I just read an article about a woman who claimed she had gotten knocked up from watching 3D porn. Turns out the whole thing was made up, but it still scared my ass straight to Planned Parenthood. Point being: traditional courtship is dead.

Now, I’m not saying it’s acceptable for a 30-year old man to write “ur” instead of “you are,” or punctuate messages with smiley faces and lols (I’m looking at you, P-Weekly). But texting is a fact of life. Just as it is impossible to stand in the checkout line at Safeway without seeing a front-page article on Kris Jenner’s last colonic, one cannot navigate the dating waters of the 21st Century without electronic messaging.

So don’t fret. Just because he’s texting instead of calling doesn’t mean he’s not into you. I would, however, recommend some basic ground rules.

Rule #1 – No drunk texting. I know it’s pretty much impossible to keep your phone in your purse when you’re having margaritas with your girlfriends. But next thing you know, you’re telling some guy you’ve been on three dates with that you love him. You don’t love him. You love tequila. And humiliation. In a perfect world, iPhones would come with breathalyzers – but they don’t, so keep your thumbs in check.

Rule #2 – Do not overanalyze. Anyone who knows me is probably – no, definitely – snorting their morning coffee (or vodka) through their nose as they read this, but it’s an important one. One reason that so many women prefer talking on the phone is because our mind-reading skills are greatly impaired when we are limited to texting. When all you have to work from is a few misspelled, unpunctuated, grammatically incorrect lines, analysis can go horribly wrong.

Rule #3 – NO. NUDE. PHOTOS. EVER. I don’t care if he sent one first, or if your face is cropped out of the frame, or if you’ve been going to Crossfit religiously and want to show off all that hard work. Have we learned nothing from Kim K. /Rihanna/that one chick from the Cheetah Girls? Trust me, you text a nude pic and that shit’s going to get leaked quicker than Jay-Z & Kanye’s latest unreleased single.

Rule #4 – Screw the rules. Because, as much as I love to dole out advice, I know all too well that the easiest way to learn is through your own mistakes. Which is why I dated that convicted felon that one time…. and that other time. Hey, some of us take a little longer than others to learn. #dontjudge.

Patrick Says:

First of all, what’s a phone call? If you’re calling me – regardless of how we know each other – it better only be for one of the following reasons:

1 – You found the debit card I left at KBar.
2 – You’re a doctor following health code and you are notifying me I gave someone herpes.
3 – You’re informing me I’ve been nominated for a Daytime Emmy.
4 – It is the VOD-poKAlypse. And you need someone to ride shotgun with.

The problem with talking on the phone is you can’t sit there in silence (whilst naked pooping) and not respond, unlike texting. This is why everyone I know is a witty texter. They take the time to think of something clever to say leading to a much better overall impression. “Jennifer is really funny and quick witted” is a much better look than “Did I just hear Jenny’s toilet flush?”

Texting is far more direct. Often, women will assume men don’t like talking on the phone because they are bad conversationalists and might run out of things to say. This is flatly untrue. Men don’t like talking on the phone because usually we’re simultaneously rolling a joint, playing XBox and downloading last week’s Workaholics and frankly, don’t have the attention span. S’GO!

We all know women like bad boys – recent studies have proved that texting and driving is actually more dangerous than drinking and driving. And let’s be real, men are liars. It’ll be damn hard for her to believe I can’t make our date due to my “bout of pneumonia” if I answer the phone while patio drinking at the Monte Carlo. Jay slash kay. Nobody goes to the Monte Carlo. #IDo

In closing Lindsey, your man‘s intentions have nothing to do with the fact that he’s texting vs. talking. If he’s hollering at you then he is definitely interested.

But be mindful girl – this is the 21st Century. Calling a guy for a date is officially creepy. If you are a person actually calling me for a dateski, I’m assuming you are still rocking a Motorola StarTac, and therefore I do not respect you.

Oooh! Plus, texting gets you on the news.

EDITOR’s NOTE: “In the Sac with Patrick and Jamie” is GOTG’s dating/relationship advice column. Patrick Harbison is the blogger behind PWeekly and Sacramento’s 2010 Most Eligible Bachelor. Jamie Romas has been a GOTGer since day 1. Both hold PhD’s in Psychology and Counseling…ok, that last part is false, but they have had their fair share of dating and relationship mishaps, and are ready to help Sacramento find love! Submit your questions (anonymously) to girlsonthegrid AT gmail DOT com.

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  1. Julia says

    Call me old-fashioned, but I still prefer a phone call to texting for many reasons. For one, if you are a younger guy and you do this, it instantly sets you apart from all the others in your demographic. As a woman, it makes me respect you more and view you as acting more like a confident and fully-grown man instead of a boy. Texting a girl to ask her out really is borderline junior high behavior if you think about it. Calling a woman shows that you are self-assured and have enough confidence to initiate a conversation that does not involve several minute delays for crafting “perfect” responses.

    Also, don’t under-estimate the psychological seduction of a man’s deep, sonorous voice! If you have a deep, sexy voice then don’t hide behind a phone screen – use that to your advantage! All of these electronic communication forms are fine sometimes, but they ultimately undermine the psychological process of attracting and seducing your mate by neutralizing how our responses are conveyed and interpreted.

    And one last thing: texting is NOT more efficient. Sometimes a texting conversation can take 2-3 times as long as it would to just pick up the phone and speak briefly with the other person. I don’t know why everyone thinks this, but often it takes less time for a guy to pick up the phone, say hi and quick formalities, then say something to the effect of, “So, I was thinking about doing such-and-such on this night, come with me if you’re not doing anything around that time.” Let her respond, say great and promise to touch bases again shortly before the date, then say goodbye and hang up. It doesn’t take that long – in fact, that entire conversation could take around three minutes or less. You don’t need to carry on a long conversation about each other’s days – that’s what the date is for. Just keep it short and sweet (unlike my post, LOL) and it will be fine.

    Texting and all these other forms of communication are fine, but most women still prefer a little old-fashioned courtship.

  2. Beth W. says

    Highlight of my day. Patrick providing some keen male insight and Jamie nailing it!

  3. Stephanie says

    Just saw this. And fell out! Funny and true.

  4. Kristen says

    What a riot! Is any topic off limits? I’ve got some good ones.

  5. Admin says

    Kristen – absolutely! send your ideas to girlsonthegrid AT gmail DOT com.

    Glad everyone loves it!

  6. Emily says

    you guys are really, really funny. makes me sad i left sac 🙂

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